How to Apologize to Your Boyfriend for Hurting His Feelings

Give him some space if he needs it.

Letting him cool down might make him more open to chatting with you. If you just hurt his feelings and he wants to take some space for himself, give him some time. Hopefully, he’ll come back refreshed and ready to hear you out when you apologize. If you aren’t sure whether he’s ready or not, try asking something like, “Hey, is now a good time to talk?” “Hey, I just wanted to check in on you. How are you doing?”

Be clear about why you’re apologizing.

Giving details shows your boyfriend you know why he’s upset. When you approach him, make sure you’re super clear about what you’re apologizing for so he knows you mean it. Avoid vague statements like “I’m sorry you’re upset” or “Sorry,” since that could make things worse. “It wasn’t cool of me to snap at you earlier. You were just trying to help, and I overreacted.” “I can tell that I hurt your feelings earlier. I really didn’t mean to do that.”

Be genuine and sincere.

A fake apology will hurt your boyfriend even more. Don’t apologize unless you’re 100% sure that you want to say you’re sorry. Keep your tone of voice in mind, too—avoid sarcasm, and make sure your words sound earnest and heartfelt. Try to avoid saying things like, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” or, “You know I didn’t mean it like that.” These half apologies might make your boyfriend feel like you’re just placating him instead of actually being sincere.

Make a clear “I’m sorry” statement.

Make sure your boyfriend knows upfront that you’re apologizing. As you craft your apology message (or figure out what to say in person), don’t forget those 2 crucial words: “I’m sorry.” Adding those in will ensure that your boyfriend knows you’re apologizing, and it helps set the tone for the rest of the conversation. “I’m really sorry about what happened earlier.” “I wanted to apologize for hurting your feelings.” “I wish I could tell you this in person, but a text will have to do. I’m so sorry.”

Explain what happened.

An explanation shows your boyfriend that he wasn’t the problem. If you hurt your boyfriend’s feelings, you probably didn’t do it on purpose—maybe you were having a bad day, or there was a miscommunication between you two. Tell him what happened and why you accidentally hurt his feelings, but try not to make any excuses for yourself. “I had a super hard day at work, so I was a little on edge. I’m really sorry I let that affect the way that I talked to you.” “For some reason, I thought that you didn’t want to hang out with me today. I should have clarified before jumping to conclusions.”

Take responsibility for your actions.

Owning what you did shows your boyfriend that you’re sincere. As you apologize to him, don’t try to make excuses or blame anyone else. The more you take responsibility for yourself, the more genuine your apology will sound. “I really messed up. I shouldn’t have said that to you. I reacted out of anger without thinking, and that was my fault.” “You didn’t do anything wrong—it was all me.”

Listen to your boyfriend’s perspective.

Let him talk so he feels heard. After you get your apology out, let your boyfriend take the stage. Hear him out, and try not to interrupt. He might have a few more things to add on or some explanation on why it hurt him so much. As you listen to him, make eye contact and nod along. This shows him that you’re paying attention and you aren’t distracted. If you’re apologizing over text, be sure to read his texts thoroughly and respond quickly. If you can, try to chat with him over the phone or via video chat instead.

Validate your boyfriend’s feelings.

Empathize with your boyfriend to show him you care. As you listen to your boyfriend, show him that you understand why his feelings were hurt in the first place. You’ll make him feel understood, and you’ll also show him that you’re dedicated to not doing it again in the future. “It makes a lot of sense why you felt that way. Thank you for sharing that with me.” “I totally understand where you’re coming from. I’d probably feel the same way in your position.”

Explain how you’ll change in the future.

Show your boyfriend that you’re serious about not hurting him again. When you apologize, make sure you include some concrete changes that you want to make in your relationship. That way, you can both move on, confident that this problem won’t happen again. “Next time, I’ll ask you to clarify what you mean before I snap at you. That way, we can avoid any miscommunication.” “I’ll be sure to tell you when I’ve had a bad day at work. But I’m also gonna work on calming down and not taking my anger out on you.”

Ask your boyfriend for forgiveness.

Asking lets him know that you’re serious about your apology. As you wrap up your conversation, either in person or over text, end it by asking your boyfriend if he thinks he can forgive you. Keep in mind that he might need a little more time to process his emotions, which is okay. “Thanks for hearing me out. Can you forgive me?” “Are we okay now? Or do you need a little more time?” “Again, I’m really sorry. Is there any way you can forgive me?”

Work on changing your behavior.

Follow through on your apology so your boyfriend knows you’re serious. The most important part of your apology isn’t your words, it’s your actions. As you move forward, try your hardest not to hurt his feelings again. If you can show that you’re working on things, your relationship will benefit from it. Feel free to check in with your boyfriend about it every now and then, too. “I’ve been working on controlling my anger lately. Have you noticed anything different?”