How to Be Loved

Develop your self-esteem.

This helps you love yourself first. Cultivate your self-esteem by practicing positive self-talk. Anytime you catch yourself being down on yourself, replace those negative thoughts with positive ones. You might also try taking good care of yourself by getting good sleep, eating healthy, and getting active. When in doubt, remind yourself that you don't have to be perfect to be loved and have faith in yourself. Next time you think something like "I'm so stupid" or "I look terrible" replace those thoughts with something positive. Try, "I made a mistake that I can learn from now. I'm a smart and capable person" or "I'm beautiful on the inside and out."

Feed your passions.

Love what makes you happy and meet like-minded people along the way. Evaluate what activities you love with all of your heart, like making music or playing sports. Throw yourself into those interests by practicing regularly, attending related community events, and joining a local team or club. Taking time for your passions will help you find love within yourself, and that self-love will only make you more attractive and interesting to potential friends and lovers. Pursuing your interests also helps lead you to like-minded people who enjoy the same things. These new connections can lead to romantic love or an equally fulfilling platonic relationship.

Show people your authentic self.

To be loved, you have to be vulnerable. When you meet new people, be yourself and resist the urge to pretend to be someone you're not. Though it can be tough, try your best to be comfortable with yourself, your interests, and even your quirks. People admire and love those who own who they are and aren't afraid to flaunt what makes them unique. Being yourself can be hard at first. If you're still figuring out who you are, that's totally okay! Keep pursuing what makes you happy, avoid the urge to compare yourself to other people, and embrace what makes you unique.

Listen to what people have to say.

This is a way to show people that you really care about their perspective. When someone is speaking to you, put your phone away, make eye contact, and focus your attention on their words. After they're done speaking, rephrase what they said to make sure you understood them correctly. Being an attentive listener will strengthen your relationships and make people love talking to you. Avoid listening to people just to think of your response. Instead, take a moment after the person is done speaking to think of what you'll say next.

Communicate honestly with others.

Tell people how you really feel, good and bad. Open up to people about how much you care about them. When you run into conflict with someone, be open about that, too. Broach the subject in a calm, respectful manner and use "I" statements that communicate your feelings without making the person feel defensive. Your genuine, thoughtful words will help you cultivate loving friendships and relationships. It can feel pretty vulnerable to tell someone how much you appreciate them. Try something simple like, "You're the funniest person I've ever met" or "You always make me smile." An example of an "I" statement would be, "I feel a little hurt when you text while I'm talking. I know you don't mean anything by it, but it'd make me feel better if we didn't text while we talked to each other." Part of cultivating loving, healthy relationships is getting through conflict together. When in doubt, try to empathize with the other person's perspective and come up with a solution that you both feel good about.

Be kind to other people.

Cultivate love in your life by being loving and showing affection to others. Smile at other people and make friendly conversation with strangers. Do nice things for your friends and family, like giving them rides to work or listening when they need someone to talk to. Practice patience if you find yourself getting frustrated with someone and try to see their perspective if you don't get along. Your kindness will make people drawn to and appreciate you. If a friend of yours mentions that they had a bad day, see if there's anything you can do to help. You might say, "I'm sorry you're upset. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" Other things you can do to be nice to new people include saying hello, complimenting them, and asking them how their day is going.

Spend time with your friends and family.

Invest in the love you have in your life already. Spend time with your friends and family by making regular plans and catching up often. If you'd like to make new friends, put yourself out there by joining local clubs, attending community events, and taking classes in subjects related to your interests. Strong relationships with your friends and family provide an immense amount of love in your life and can help you get more comfortable accepting the love of others. If you live close to your family, see if they'd like to make dinner together a few times a month. If they live out of town, try calling and catching up over the phone. If you have a contentious relationship with your family, it's okay to need some space. You might try investing more time in your friendships or seeking out new friendships with people in your community instead. You might try getting coffee or going for a walk with a friend a few times a week. Be open to new friendships. If an interesting coworker asks if you'd like to hang out after work, try accepting the invitation.

Make new connections in your community.

Getting involved in the community can help you be loved by many. To find a community that's right for you, get involved in a cause that you're passionate about, sign up to volunteer at a local community event (you might try a local music festival or social justice outreach event), or even join a church or spiritual group in your area. If you're not sure there are opportunities in your area, try getting involved in an online community related to your interests. Social media can be a great place to find a community. Look up accounts related to your interests, like art, music, or pop culture, and reach out to people with like-minded passions. By working together with others in a community, you'll foster loving relationships with others who share similar goals and values.

Seek out healthy romantic relationships.

Everyone deserves a loving relationship if they want one. If you'd like to be loved by a romantic partner, try putting yourself out there and dating new people. Download dating apps, make conversation with interesting strangers, and ask people out when you feel a connection. As you get to know people, make sure they make you feel encouraged, confident, and secure around you. That's a good sign that you're developing a healthy, loving connection. If dating apps aren't your style, you can meet potential romantic partners anywhere. Try making conversations with people at the supermarket, community events, and bars. If you start seeing someone, cultivate a loving relationship with them by making time for each other, practicing open communication, and maintaining your outside interests and friendships. Dating has its ups and downs for everyone. If you experience rejection, remind yourself that everyone does at some point. Always remember that you're worthy of love and keep being yourself. The right person will love you for you.

Let go of your past to move forward.

You might struggle to be loved because of past relationships. Practice self-compassion by evaluating your past choices, contemplating what changes you want to make going forward, and letting the past go so that you can work towards a more positive future. Learning from your experiences can help you seek more fulfilling relationships, whether they be loving friendships or romantic relationships. Perhaps you've only had partners that treated you poorly. Remember that everyone deserves a kind, loving partner. Try evaluating what dynamics you didn't like about your past relationships to figure out what you're looking for in a future relationship. If you're past partner was dismissive of your goals and ambitions, for example, focus your attention on people who build you up and make you feel good about your big dreams.

Talk to a mental health professional if you're still struggling.

Sometimes, past wounds prevent you from feeling like you can be loved. It's very common to struggle with this, especially if you have a history of difficult or troubled relationships with friends, family, and lovers. To get the help you need, look online for a mental health professional in your area or get a referral from your doctor. They can give you the tools you need to see yourself as worthy of love (and you definitely are!). A mental health professional may work with you to explore your past relationships and how they may have affected your self-image and the relationships you seek now. Seeking help from a mental health professional is not only totally normal, it's a healthy, brave act of self-love. Try your best not to feel any shame about seeking counseling.