Drew Barrymore has been quoted as saying, "Fly your geek flag high. If someone doesn't get you, move on." It's really good advice. Being a geek doesn't make you persona non grata. Being a jerk who starts fights will, though and while sometimes your own passion and defensiveness might bubble over, there's never a need to start fights over your passion. Instead, the solution lies in just moving on to someone who gets it. So, when clueless people dismiss the pastime you're totally passionate about, here's what to do about it.
For the sake of the article, let's pretend you love Star Trek and enjoy dressing up as a Klingon and going to sci-fi conventions and other Klingon gatherings.
Examine your behavior. Sometimes, we're our own worst enemy when it comes to talking about the stuff we love: Are you taking over the conversation with talk about your hobby, not letting anyone else speak about their interests?Cope when Someone Disrespects a Pastime You Are Passionate About Step 1Bullet1 Version 2.jpg Are you overly defensive about it, allowing a simple comment like, "Wow, I can't see myself ever doing that," to send you on a long rant about the wonderfulness of Klingon cosplay? – This person just told you they have no interest in the subject, but you have now forced them to listen to your long diatribe on that very thing. Meanwhile, they're glazing over and waiting for you to stop talking so they can talk about something they are interested in. Sometimes it's just not about you; drop it. Instead of the rant, respond to the "Can't see myself..." remark with "Ah, that's a shame, because I have so much fun, and there are a lot of great people I see when I go to this stuff. So what do you like to do?" You'll be a lot more popular. Are you inappropriately insistent? A lot of times, we invite others to participate with us in hopes of showing them that it's not the stupid activity they believe it is; but it's often a vain attempt. If they have said "no" once, let the "no" stand. Or if they've said something like, "We'll see," remember that this often is a way of saying "no" without saying "no." When they are trying to let you down easy, persisting may antagonize them, and their frustration that they can't get you to stop pushing may get the better of them, causing them to make dismissive or rude comments.
Don't take it to heart, let it go. Assuming you haven't provoked the rudeness, it's not necessary to take on every insulting remark. So Trek doesn't float someone else's boat — so what? It's not about you, so don't take it personally — non-Trekkies/Trekkers simply don't see the attraction any more than you see the attraction in a sports event, for example, so it baffles them that you like it so much.
Draw an analogy. If someone thinks your geeky pastime is stupid compared to more conventional ones like following sports, compare it to the more creative, involved parts of those activities: being a make-believe Klingon is a little like being a make-believe football player or coach with fantasy football.
Don't insist that they see the beauty in your hobby. Chances are the more you insist that it's great, the more insistent they will become that they will never get why you would spend so much money and effort on it. It will become a self-perpetuating, escalating argument, so just shrug and say, "Well, I think it's fun." and let it go at that. If someone thinks your pastime is useless, remind them that the point of a pastime is to temporarily amuse and divert from the stresses of day-to-day life, work, and even more-serious avocations. A little fun can even increase productivity by preventing burnout.
Remain calm. Though the heart of a Klingon is the heart of a warrior, and the last thing you need is to get into a fight over this - it's your hobby, it's what you love to do (this is where it totally is about you) - so what if that guy over there doesn't get it? You don't need him, his blessing, his approval, or his participation to enjoy it.
Retain your sense of humor. Don't argue - if someone doesn't get it, again, so what? Does the fact that another doesn't share your interest make you like it less? At first you may think so - you may allow that person's derision to transfer to you, tainting your enjoyment of your hobby. But think about it calmly and honestly: if that guy wasn't making fun of you, would you enjoy it? Of course you would! So it really doesn't matter if someone else makes fun of you - the best defense is to join in, strange as it seems. Admitting, "That's right, I'm a total geek about it," takes the wind out of your antagonist's sails.
Reassert calmly that it's your idea of fun and nobody is forcing them to enjoy it as you do. Simply saying, "Well, you may think it's dumb, but I have a great time doing it and have met some wonderful people who have become good friends around it. We feel like we get to have Halloween all through the year - and nobody's telling you to dress up and join us - we can just live and let live, right?" You sound much more reasonable and rational when you take the high road than some idiot who continually belittles things other people really enjoy.
Remind them that they also have a hobby - and maybe not everyone present is as passionate about that as they are. This is particularly useful with sports fans. Hopefully, this sports fan has painted his or her face, worn a jersey, waved a flag, etc. at a game, and also owns some memorabilia, perhaps a game ball or a signed picture. Point to those things and say, "So when you paint your face green and wear a slice of cheese on your head, and wear a team jersey and go to a game where 1,000 other people are dressed up like you, how is that different from me putting on a turtle-head, makeup and armor, and going to a convention where 1,000 other people are dressed up like me? How is your game ball different from my bat'leth? They're both souvenirs. We're just rooting for different teams, dude."
Change the subject. If the derogatory remarks continue, or this person simply will not agree to disagree, try to change the subject and discuss something more universal, or at least more innocuous, like movies you've all recently seen, or books you enjoy. As an additional step, try not to make this discussion about something you have seen or enjoyed - instead, try to draw someone else out and ask about what they liked in that movie or book, especially if it is in a completely different genre from sci-fi. This directs attention away from you, and it deflects the notion that you are just an obsessive freak who will take over any social situation to talk about things that are important to you.
Take them aside and talk privately. Don't subject the entire party or gathering to your disagreement. If your feelings are hurt, try taking the other person aside and saying something like, "Hey, I know that you don't get my addiction to Trek, but really, I've even tried changing the subject and you're still ragging it. It's getting upsetting to me. Can we just drop this?" It may work. However, see the "Warnings" below.
Leave. It sounds extreme, but let's face it, it's better than actually getting into a fight, and you weren't having a good time anyhow. Get out of there, go home and put your turtle head on and geek out. You'll feel better. And anyone who felt that your harasser was out of line will privately sympathize with you - it's very likely they will make contact with you later to tell you they thought it was wrong and the person was a jerk to be so insulting.
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