What It Means When Someone Touches Your Neck (Or Their Own)

What It Means When Someone Touches Your Neck

They may be flirting with you. The neck is an erogenous zone, or an area that causes sexual arousal when touched. When someone gently touches or brushes your neck, they may be trying to tell you that they want to be more intimate with you. This is likely the case if you’re alone with the other person, just went on a date, or are in a relationship with them already. It’s very common for people to touch your neck while you’re kissing them or if they’re about to kiss you. Watch for other signs of flirting to figure out if they're really into you.

They might want to comfort you. The neck is an extremely sensitive, vulnerable area, and if someone touches your neck (especially the back of your neck), they may be trying to soothe you. It’s a protective gesture that people also use to soothe themselves. This might be the case if they put their arm around your neck, touch your neck while you’re talking, or gently rub the back of your neck.

They could be trying to dominate you. If someone roughly touches your neck, they may be trying to physically dominate you or intimidate you. If you don’t want someone to touch your neck, communicate it clearly, and try to stay away from them if you can. Considerate people generally ask before touching you (unless you already have some sort of physicality in your relationship)—if someone touches your neck without asking, set touch boundaries with them, especially if you don’t know them very well. If someone touches you and you don’t want them to, say something like, “Hey, please don’t do that,” or “I’d actually prefer if you didn’t touch me,” or “Can you give me some personal space, please?” If they continue, be more stern with them. If you’re experiencing abuse or domestic violence, reach out to the Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or text START to 88788.

What it Means When Someone Touches Their Own Neck

They might be nervous and trying to self-soothe. Body language experts believe that touching your neck signals that you’re uncomfortable or nervous. If you see someone playing with a necklace, rubbing the back of their neck, or touching the notch between their collarbones, they may be trying to calm themselves down. If you’re trying to project confidence, avoid touching your neck or playing with your shirt collar or necklace.

They may be feeling doubtful of something. If someone scratches their neck below their ear they may be communicating that they’re doubtful of what they’re hearing. Of course, sometimes people are just scratching, so watch out for how frequently they do it. Body language experts say doubtful neck scratches come in fives.

They could be flirting. If someone stretches out their neck, tilts their head to the side to expose their neck, or softly rubs the side of their neck, they may be showing you that they’re comfortable enough around you to bear their vulnerabilities, or even inviting you to touch them. If you’re speaking to someone and they tilt their head to the side, it means they’re listening and interested. Look out for other signs that they’re flirting, like excessive eye contact or pointing their body towards you, before initiating touch.

Signs That Someone Is Flirting With You

They touch you. One of the most common ways people flirt, according to dating expert Cher Gopman, is by touching, especially if they quickly touch your leg or upper arm while talking or laughing. Other signs of flirting are when someone touches your back, brushes hair off of your face, or sits very close to you.

They make a lot of eye contact. Gopman says that “strong eye contact…[shows] that you're really present in the moment and is a signal for flirting.” If someone can’t take their eyes off of you, it’s quite likely that they’re interested in you.

They lean in and smile while you’re talking. When someone is leaning in towards you, that means that they’re engaged and interested. Gopman emphasizes that “when flirting[,]...smiling is very important.” People smile to engage other people, as well as to put them at ease.

They compliment you often. Dating coach Candice Mostisser says that when someone gives you an authentic compliment it means they’re glad to see you in particular and being around you makes them happy. If someone compliments you every time you see them, they may be flirting.