How to Be Different

Knowing Yourself

Know you're unique. For starters, know that you're already different from everyone on the planet. Sure, some people are more different than others, but all of us have a unique set of experiences and characteristics that spell out a different reality than everyone else on Earth. No one else has the same brain you do, the same thoughts you do, and the same reactions as you do. You're different by just being human. Labels are pretty useless. Even striving to be different isn't something that's truly achievable. A quick change of cultures will show you that people operate differently by default. Instead, accept that you're already unique and work with yourself. Who are you, anyway?

Find yourself and be yourself. In order to be as different as possible, you have to be you -- not a carbon copy of someone else. If you don't know who you are, that process can seem a bit scary. In order to be yourself, you have to find yourself. Do you know what it is you like? Who are you when no one else is around? It's important to love yourself, too. If you're not comfortable with who you are, you'll inevitably end up trying to be someone else -- or at the very least being someone who you're not to please others. Which won't work in the end.

Spend some time alone. It's normal nowadays to be constantly bombarded with stimuli -- whether it's on a screen or the people around us. To really get down to who you are and what makes you different, spend some time alone. Disconnect from everything. What are you left with? Meditate on what matters to you. We're constantly being told what to wear, what to eat, what to say, what to look like, how to act, what to read, what to watch...you get it. Get alone and all of a sudden you'll be without guidance. It'll be a strange feeling, sitting there, thinking about what you wouldn't miss if you never had to wear/eat/say/do/read/watch it again. Think about what aspects of your environment are shoved onto you and which ones you openly embrace.

Know what you want. Be very careful that you actually want to be different. Maybe you're just in a group of friends that you don't live with and that little voice in your head is just being misinterpreted. What does different actually mean to you? What do you perceive as normal? What is it about people that strikes you as "the same?" Every person's interpretation of what "different" actual is, well, different. Is it how they look? Act? Talk? Dream?

Know how you want to be different. Once you've pinpointed what "different" is to you, how do you want to go about it? If you're in a group of friends that only eats Swedish protein bars and wears pink on Wednesdays, how do you want to go off on your own? Do you want to become a math mastermind or do you just want to shake it up by wearing purple? You could be different in so many ways.

Finding Your Uniqueness

Note your environment. A Japanese man that shakes hands instead of bowing will be different in his culture, but be pretty normal in the West. Reading Thoreau for fun will be commonplace in some circles, while "normal" is Cosmopolitan in others. In order to know how to be different, you have to take into account your environment. Think of three words to describe yours. Now, what's the opposite of that? Let's go back to "Mean Girls." Three words to describe that environment? Superficial. Vain. And unsurprisingly, mean. Want to be different from the Plastics? You'd have to be a deep thinker, not into looks, and nice. However, being nice in other circles is totally normal (and expected). What's your circle like?

Observe. Take a step back from your surroundings for a moment and just observe. How are people behaving? How do they interact with each other (friends, strangers, cashiers, lovers)? What assumptions do they all make? How are they dressed? If you were to walk in unexpectedly, how could you not fit into the mold? There's definitely a spectrum of outrageousness here. Something so simple as wearing a bright color could set you out from the crowd in a Cafe on a dreary day. You could make small changes to your behavior -- when the cashier at the cafe asks you what you'd like, instead you could reply, "Hmm. Not sure. How was your day?" You could go the wrong way -- be loud, throwing things, start dancing on tables -- that'd sure be different than normal public etiquette. But it'll probably get you thrown out.

Do what you like. Straight up, you're going to enjoy some things that are trendy and some things that are not. That's fine! As long as you're doing what you enjoy, you'll have a combination that's probably unique to you. Maybe you love baking, jiujitsu, and thrift shopping. If you enjoy it, it'll feel right. It shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks or does. Do you want to sing a song from Jekyll & Hyde at karaoke in German? Awesome. Go for it. Do you want to buy that Abercrombie & Fitch bag? Well, if it would make you happy, sure. Just make sure it's not someone else telling you to do it!

Try new things. We are naturally raised as part of a group. Therefore, we're constantly being exposed to things that others around us have already approved. These things are good -- they can open us up to things we're not even aware of -- but it's also important to try things that are brand-spankin' new to you that other people haven't already endorsed. How else will you find out what you like and do not like?

Color outside the lines. From a very young age, we're sort of brainwashed to fit into our society. We wear clothes, eat with utensils, go to school, do things to match our gender, etcetera and so forth. It's hard to realize that this is a box you can get out of. There are lines that you can color outside of. It just hasn't occurred to most of us. Think about how you would act if you were in a dinosaur costume. No one can see your face or body and you're in a dinosaur costume. All of a sudden you start bursting into rooms and waving your tiny arms and creeping up on people just because you can. You could do this in real life. You just choose not to. ...Why?

Be absurd. As if the dinosaur example wasn't enough, instead of just coloring outside the lines, you don't even have to use your metaphorical crayons on the metaphorical paper. If you want to go around school wearing headphones and dancing like you're in a Selena Gomez music video, the thing is, you can. If you want to wear a hat shaped like the state of Texas and stand outside of Walmart all night long, if you can find one, you can. (Doesn't mean you should, but you definitely could.) Some people are going to severely frown on the dinosaur costumes, the public dancing, and the weird-shaped hats. Know that if you do want to start pressing the limits and toeing the line, you'll most likely experience opposition. If you can handle the heat, go for it. But know that lots of people frown on what's "abnormal."

Putting It into Action

Shake hands with your enemies. This is a way to say act differently toward people than they expect. In a good way, of course! And see where it gets you -- who knows, the next time you have to deal with a cop, shake his hand, ask him about himself, and see if you get out of that ticket! You very well may. One way to certainly be different is to be friendly to everyone. How many people do you know that are friendly to literally "everyone?" Probably not many. It's hard work! We all end up judging those around us and gravitating toward certain types of people. Instead, be friendly toward those you may not feel inclined to be friendly toward. You'll be different and learn a lot!

Dress for yourself. It's really easy to get caught up in what society tells us looks good and is attractive. (Even if you don't think so.) While it's impossible to completely avoid that (without making the clothes yourself), use fashion like a cafeteria -- take what you want and leave the rest. Do you like a certain trend? Great. Would you rather be sporting a pair of rain boots from 1972 than a pair of Uggs? Awesome -- maybe your mom has some in her closet. Selena Gomez Selena Gomez, Founder, Rare Beauty Be authentic to your own look and style. "It’s hard to feel comfortable when you feel like everyone is watching, judging, and commenting on the way you look. Self-confidence is still something I work on daily, but when I stopped trying to conform to society’s unrealistic standards of beauty, my perspective entirely shifted."

Don't get caught up in games. It's hard to come up with a few examples that everyone does. You could say, for example, "listen to unpopular music," but there are loads of people that do that. However, one thing that seems to be a pretty normal characteristic across the board is drama. We love it. If you want to be different, avoid it! Don't let it be a part of your life. And definitely don't start it! Because of how interacting with people works, we all end up playing games a lot. A friend asks us if we're mad and we say no to keep things calm, even though we are. We do things to get attention, we lead people on, we employ tactics to get what we want, even if they're not the nicest. If you can recognize those urges, try to resist them. Being honest and genuine is a characteristic to be proud of and is more unique than it should be.

Say what everyone else is thinking. One of the games people play is not saying what we mean. We're afraid of standing out, making noise, hurting someone's feelings, or just getting embarrassed. There will be times when an entire room is thinking something, but no one says it. The term "elephant in the room" exists for a reason! Be that person! Most people are caught up in what they look like or the impression they give off to truly do what they really want. They're too wrapped up in thinking about others and not being themselves to really operate on a genuine level. If you catch yourself not doing something because others are present, do it anyway! (Within the law, of course!)

Don't bother trying to impress. If you haven't noticed, there's a pattern here of how others' opinions shouldn't really matter. Since most people are concerned with impressing others and how they're perceived, try not to do it. It's often when we're not trying to impress that we do the most impressing! You know how they say love will come to you when you stop looking for it? It's sort of like that. Instead of presenting an image to the world, just present yourself. It's so much better and so much more unique.

Know the world works in opposites. Nothing is really as it seems. So many people are trying to be different it results in them all being the same! Being quiet may mean that when you talk, people hear you louder. When you're not trying to attract that boy or girl, they become attracted to you. So trying to be different may not get you anywhere. Dressing in a squirrel suit (or a dinosaur outfit) and walking into a bar, for example, isn't necessarily different. In a certain way, it's saying, "Look at me!" just the same as a short skirt and high heels are. So the next time you're trying to be different, think about what you're actually doing. Is it the opposite?

Know you'll bump heads. Society isn't super good at accepting what isn't trendy. People are praised for being fashionable and pretty -- few are praised for expanding our limits and coloring outside the lines. Those people may not welcome you with open arms. And that's fine! You don't need 'em. But you do need to know it's gonna happen. That way you'll be prepared for when it does. Aristotle said, “To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.” This is one thing he nailed. Criticism is going to happen if you step outside of the box at all. Think of it as a good thing! By getting criticism, you're doing something. You're getting noticed. You're exposing people to other things. Excellent! You're different.