How to Deal With a Sloppy Kiss

Using Physical Cues

Guide your partner. Some sloppy kissers suck too hard on your tongue and others open their mouths too wide. However, it’s possible to fix a sloppy kisser and avoid another sloppy kiss. Do this by taking the lead and showing your partner how you want to kiss. The key here is that you need to become the dominant kisser, at least for a time. If your partner is sucking too hard on your tongue, pull your tongue back, but do it gently. Then, just start kissing the other person again but with lighter kisses. After you’ve kissed softly for a little bit, your partner will probably just naturally take your lead. Kiss your partner the way in which you want to be kissed back.

Focus on the lips. One reason for sloppy kisses is that there is too much tongue movement going on. You can encourage the other person to focus on the lips and not the tongue. Do this by focusing on your partner's lips yourself, by sucking them and kissing them. Do this gently. Hopefully, the other person will start kissing you back the same way. It’s the excess saliva produced by tongue kissing that can make kissing seem sloppy.

Kiss a lot. When people are just getting acquainted, it can take time to figure out what the other person likes and to adjust to their kissing style. You will need to practice kissing your partner a lot before you two settle into your own personal dance. That’s a good word for it, too. Each couple has to figure out what works best for both of you. So, don’t give up fast. Just keep kissing your partner. Try to guide your partner toward better kissing early on, though. You don’t want to mislead the other person into thinking the kissing is working out great because then it will become the routine.

Keep your mouth opened only a little. One thing that causes sloppy kissing is that the other person has the mouth open too widely. You can encourage your partner not to do this by keeping your own mouth closed a little bit more. You don’t want to do this in a way that seems standoffish, but your partner will likely mirror you.

Restart the kiss. If your partner is getting saliva all over you, that’s no fun. It’s best to start the kiss over than to let a really sloppy kiss continue. Take a small step back to restart the kiss, take your partner’s face in both hands, stare into the other person's eyes, and say something endearing. Then restart the kiss with the mouth opened less. Take the lead on restarting the kiss, so that you can set the pace and the tone. You could break up the first kiss by nibbling on your partner’s neck or ear lobe, so it’s not so obvious why you’re doing it.

Try not to use too much saliva when you kiss. Too much saliva on the face is the hallmark of a sloppy kiss! Try to avoid it. Too much saliva usually means the kisser had a wide open mouth or was kissing too forcefully. Maybe you're the sloppy kisser? Or you're wondering if you could be? It's important to understand the parts of a sloppy kiss that the receiver does not enjoy. That's often too much saliva. People usually consider a kiss sloppy when it leaves saliva on your face, especially outside of your lips. If you or your significant other has to wipe their face or has drool on it, the kiss is probably too sloppy. You probably won't cause too hard of feelings if you say something like, "let's kiss so we don't get each other's faces so wet!" in a playful manner.

Talking to a Sloppy Kisser

Tell your partner directly what you don't like. Communication is very important in relationships, so there's no need to beat around the bush. You could just be forthright and honest. You want to spare your partner's feelings, so it's best to start by trying to fix a sloppy kisser with positive and subtle encouragement. However, if this doesn't work, your partner should respect your honesty, and it's time to be more direct. Telling your partner what you do like can be the best way to direct the other person to stop doing what you don't like. However, there may come a time that you need to say something like, "I prefer gentle kissing. Is it OK if we try kissing that way?" Be kind but direct.

Use positive reinforcement. When your partner kisses you in a way that you like, let your partner know. Say things like, “I really love it when you kiss me in this way.” It’s better to express what you like than to tell your partner what you don’t like because people can get very sensitive about how they kiss. If your partner is kissing you in a way you don’t like, simply start kissing the other person the way you prefer, but then use positive verbal reinforcement after a few minutes of it to encourage the better way of kissing.

Talk about kissing. You could just cut to the chase and tell your partner exactly where and how you want to be kissed. If you do this in a sensual, loving way, it could actually turn your partner on! Say something like, “I love it most when you kiss me gently” or however you prefer to be kissed. You could back up and ask your partner to kiss you in a specific way. Being verbal is OK. It’s better to express how you feel than to hold it in and not enjoy the kiss.

Show patience. Don’t immediately dump a person just because they’re a sloppy kisser. You could be giving up a good thing! A lot of people think they are good kissers and don’t realize they are sloppy. Maybe the last person they kissed preferred the way they are kissing you (as hard as that might be to imagine). Research has shown that some people judge a relationship by the first kiss. This can be a mistake. It takes time to get to know a new partner and to understood their likes and dislikes and the nuances that make a connection work. Give it time, and remember that communication is important.

Embrace the sloppy kisses. There are actually biological reasons for sloppy kissing. Research has found that men are more likely to use sloppy kisses. Men’s saliva has testosterone in it. Thus, it’s been shown to raise a partner's libido! It might improve your sex life to embrace it! Kissing also has other chemical benefits. It activates the release of dopamine, which makes people feel good, and it can activate release of oxytocin, which creates feelings of attachment.

Using Games to Deal with Sloppy Kisses

Use a question game. You could turn the kissing problem into a fun game to camouflage that you’re really trying to change the way your partner kisses. Ask questions such as, “How do you like being kissed best?” Or “what’s your favorite way to kiss?” And then describe your own answers. The goal here is not to seem critical, but rather to make it clear you’re asking the questions to try to learn more about each other. It works both ways. Maybe there’s something your partner wishes you would change when it comes to kissing too. This will help you learn that!

Refer to a magazine. You could tell your partner that you read in a magazine about a new way of kissing and ask if you can try it. Make it sound like it’s a fun experiment or adventure. Say something like, “In the magazine, they mention that you should try to kiss gently, and without using too much tongue. It might be fun to try that.” Keep it lighthearted, and tell your partner that you read this in a women’s or men's magazine. Don’t make it sound like you were seeking out the information, though.

Play the mirror game. In this game, you mirror how each other kisses. Don’t be critical, just suggest playing the game because it sounds fun. Here’s how you play it. You kiss your partner a certain way, and then your partner has to kiss you back in exactly the same way, and so forth. You could say, “I love kissing you” before you play the game to put your partner in the right mood. Your partner should be able to figure out how you like to be kissed through playing this game.