Using Your Logic
Know that you could take him. Sure, maybe he's 7 feet (2.1 m) tall (2.1 m), but he's a stick. You know his name, Slenderman? It's because he's skinny, VERY SKINNY! And he was probably a geek in high school, which is why he's acting like a 'scary masked man'. You could totally kick his flat butt if he came at you. Think of some names equivalent to Slenderman and just how absolutely non-scary they are. Fatboy. Voluptuousgirl. Pear-shapedandrogynousperson. Really? You're gonna let a guy named Slenderman get the better of you? C'mon. You can do better than that.
Think about his background. Let's take what we know about this guy (which, admittedly, is very little): He wears a suit every day. What kind of person wears a suit every day? Either he's incredibly educated and has a well paying job or he's Barney Stinson. Let's consider both theories: Slenderman is wealthy and educated. If this is the case, he's probably open to reason. Odds are he prefers the aisle seat on an airplane, doesn't eat very much junk food, watches very little television, and listens to audio books on his commute to work. Now that you know some of his tendencies, you can strike up a conversation! Humans only fear the unknown. Slenderman is a misunderstood Barney Stinson. If this is the case, it's possible that his creepily sneaking into houses is his move. The man is just trying to get some love'. Can you really hold that against him? C'mon, even a mother wouldn't love that face, much less a woman outside his family. Life's probably been really rough. He needs understanding and care.
Think about his mortality. Think about the other part of his name -- Slenderman. He's a man. He has hopes, dreams, fears, insecurities, and desires -- loads of which are probably unfulfilled, just like the rest of us. Hell, he's wandering around the woods with no one to talk to. How terrible a fate! He probably prays for death every day, but it never comes. Slenderman will die. That is, if you believe he's alive (more on that later). He has not been alive since the height of the Egyptian empire and he cannot haunt you forever. In fact, he probably gets a cold a few times a year. He's just like the rest of us. Mere mortal. Names that end in -man are usually of Germanic origin. If you see him, strike up a conversation about pretzels, beer, or the current economic crisis. You might wanna stay away from WWII, for the record -- Slenderman might be depressed. No one's seen him in synagogue, but maybe that's because he looks terrible in a yarmulke.
Visualize his hugs. Do you know how many people Slenderman could hug at once? How amazing would it feel to be in a group of half a dozen people, all sharing the same hug at the same time?! Think of the bonding! Those arms could wrap around you and keep your warm for ages. All you have to do is get on his good side. It's highly likely that Slenderman doesn't get a lot of hugs; lots of people are probably intimidated by his inhuman-like proportions or tentacle-ness. Next time you dream about Slenderman, think about hugging him. Heck, he'll probably start blubbering like a baby and talking to you about how he was called "Octopus Boy" as a child.
Know that he's virtually senseless. The guy has no eyes, nose, mouth, or ears. Think about that. He cannot see you, smell you, breathe on you, or hear you. Like, for real now. If someone put you in the woods weaponless and blindfolded, chopped off your ears, nose, and duct taped your mouth, how powerful would you be? Not very. The squirrels would even be able to take you. Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, he probably has a sixth sense of some sort. Maybe he sees dead people. So, yeah, he can teleport. That's awesome. More on that in a bit. But even if he does have a sixth sense, you still have 4 that he doesn't.
Picture him as calamari. Those tentacle arms that pop out of his back would be delicious. Not to go all cannibalistic on you, but if you were to eat Slenderman (think battered and deep-fried)...yum. wikiHow can help you here with articles on cooking calamari and frying calamari. You don't have to eat it/him, but it would make for an interesting turn of events. If you do ever succeed in coming close enough to Slenderman to chop off one of his tentacle arms, you probably just wanna do him off for good. If you're the one that chopped off his arm, he'd probably come after you like Richard Kimball went after the one-armed man.
Taking Action
Do your research. He is not real, so what's the point in being afraid? He was a meme invented in 2009 by some guy named Victor Surge on the Something Awful forums. Turns out Victor Surge goes by "Eric" and lives in Japan. Maybe Eric has a mermaid girlfriend named Ariel and spends most of his time on boats. Terrifying. Slenderman was part of a contest. Part of a contest ran by amateur artists that were interested in Photoshop and the paranormal. He is the figment of some guy's (Eric's!) imagination and thousands of people took off with it, making their own stories.
Do the math. There is very little actual evidence that can be traced back in history linking to Slenderman (what little evidence there is is made up). So, beyond popular belief, he's not real. And if he is, think about it. There are about 7.5 billion people in the world and just as many places, in fact many more, where he could be (if he were real). What are the odds that he's coming after you? What makes you so special that Slenderman would show up on your doorstep? Unless you're leaving him milk and cookies, he probably won't. Think of it like Santa Claus (unless you believe in Santa Claus). How long did it take you to say, "Mom, Dad. There's no way Santa can hit all the homes in the world in 8 hours' time, especially with the time it takes to climb up a chimney. I know it's you"? This is pretty much the same thing, only he doesn't have a booming laugh or a tummy that rumbles like a bowl full of jelly.
Use him as a portkey. If you think about it, Slenderman would make a pretty cool superhero. He can just pop up in places randomly! How sweet would that be?! All you have to do is get close to him, latch onto him, and wait for him to teleport. Like a portkey in Harry Potter. Heck, maybe he could teach you how to do it! When you start being able to teleport, you're gonna become so popular. Slenderman could be your ticket to being the big cheese. All you've gotta do right now is think about whether you'd use your powers for good or evil.
Use him as a TARDIS. Not only does it seem like Slenderman can teleport, but he can travel in time. You know how you're walking around the woods at night, and then all of a sudden you wake up in the daytime? What's up with that? Oh yeah, Slenderman is a TARDIS. You want to go back and retake that Chem test? No problem, friend. The jury is still out on whether he's going forward or back in time. Science says that traveling backwards in time is impossible, but even Stephen Hawking says forward time travel is possible (if you go fast enough, time slows around you while it stays "normal" everywhere else). Provided Slenderman abides by the laws of physics here on Earth, he's going forward in time. So, oops, that Chem test may not be happening. Sorry.
Find the source of those creepy noises. Sitting huddled in the corner under your Snuggie while you keep your ears open will only make you hear more noises. Instead, get up! Go looking for its source. Maybe you have mice. If you hear a weird noise or a whisper out of nowhere, don't automatically link it to Slenderman. It's probably not him. Slenderman doesn't really make noise. If you do hear a noise, it's anything but Slenderman. Big Foot makes noise -- maybe it's him.
Act like he's your BFF. "Hey, Slenderman! What's up ma man?" Imagine that if he's there, you're gonna have a slendy party. Do the wave and eat some Doritos. If nothing else, he'll initially be freaked out by your warmth and gumption. No one else has the cajones to be so friendly and inviting! You may need some low-cal snacks and bottled water on hand. Slenderman is really self-conscious about his weight. The tortilla chips are just for you. Offer him some out of courtesy, but keep alternatives on hand for good measure.
Controlling Your Emotions
Face your own personal demons. You have to be willing to stand up to him. If you don't find the courage to let go of your fears, then you may never get over that. Since it's highly doubtful that you'll ever meet him, remind yourself that the real fear is fear itself. You know he's not real, you're just paranoid that he is. Is there something else you're actually afraid of? Do a little self-analysis. You're probably not scared of suits, tall people, or skinny people. What's the bigger issue at hand? That's definitely easier said than done. To start facing your demons, grab a notebook and start analyzing your fear. When did it start? What's the root of it? What times of day is it worse? When does it spring up (when you're alone, when you're sad, etc.)? Seeing your own patterns will force you to realize how much of this is just in your head and is truly groundless.
Overcome your fears with exposure. Let's say you're afraid of spiders. One day, you put yourself in a room 12 feet (3.7 m) away from a spider until you're okay with it. The next day, it's 10 feet (3.0 m). A week later, you're sitting next to it. Eventually, the spider is on your hand and you're okay. Anything can be gotten used to with enough time. That's why that Taylor Swift song you initially hated is sort of tolerable now. This process is called deconditioning. It's a thing and it works. So open up the game. When you face Slenderman, sit there. Look at him. Don't run away. Just stand there until your heart beat slows down. You may not believe it, but slowly you'll grow bored of him. You'll wonder what ever frightened you in the first place. Start doing this gradually. Monday, do it for 5 minutes. Tuesday, for 10. Eventually you'll be unmoved by him completely.
Calm yourself down. If you freak out and run through the house whenever you think he's there, don't let yourself. If you think he's behind you in the basement, take a deep breath, sing your favorite song and calmly walk up the stairs. Your body often cues your mind (and not the other way around), so if your body stays calm, your mind may too. Breathe. Breathe slowly and deeply. It gets your heart rate down, your mind on other things, and a little more reassurance that he's not after you. When you take controlled, relaxed breaths, your anxiety will automatically lessen.
Empower yourself. Alright, so a lot of this article has been poking fun at Slenderman. But if you're truly scared of him, all the jokes in the world won't be helpful. The only thing that will be helpful will be empowering yourself. You're afraid of what he represents to you. Not what he is, or what he's capable of. If you change your image of him, you won't be afraid of him anymore. Realize that you have the power. You know how some people are afraid of heights, closed spaces, or clowns? And how other people aren't? Fear is in everyone's head. When you start imaging Slenderman in his tighty- whities, sleeping like a baby in the fetal position, you start giving yourself control and taking it away from him. Next time you run into him, don't even offer him the Doritos. You have all the power. To overcome a fear, you should know its origin. For example, if a person witnessed a real-life traumatic event, such as an accident that injured someone on an escalator, their fear of escalators may be more deeply ingrained. Traumatic events can get stuck in the limbic system, which is the part of the brain that controls fight-or-flight responses. Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing or EMDR can help someone process traumatic material, freeing it from the limbic system by allowing the traumatic material to drop out.
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