Taking Time to Reflect
Cry, and cry a lot. The first thing that you should do is give yourself an appropriate amount of time to grieve. Crying will get out all of your emotions instead of keeping them bottled up inside. This is called "catharsis." Research shows that crying is a stress reliever and it actually makes you healthier. Think about it. Let's say you're filling water up in a bathtub and your phone rings. You figure "it's taking forever to fill up, I'll just go talk to so and so for a moment and come right back." You talk on the phone for 10 minutes, forgetting all about the water you left running in the bathroom. By the time you're done on the phone and you enter the restroom, water has seeped everywhere and onto the floor. You run to turn it off, but by that time it's too late. That's what it is like if you don't cry. You will eventually explode and overflow with emotions. The best thing to do is get it all out. Don't be afraid of crying. If you feel more comfortable doing it in private, ask to be excused for a moment to use the restroom or go to your room. Find a good place for crying. Depending on how emotionally attached you were to this person, you'll probably be going to this special place specifically for crying a lot.
Think about all the bad things associated with the person you loved. You might think this person has no flaws and they're perfect, but that's probably not true. The old saying really is true: nobody's perfect. Try to make a list of everything you disliked about them and their flaws. The more you find about the person that you didn't like, the easier it will be to convince your heart that they were the wrong person for you. Maybe they were rude to your best friend or they had horrible friends. Maybe they constantly put you down, damaging your self-esteem. Maybe they had a problem being honest, saying they'd do things and then never follow through. Whatever it is, write it down and when you start feeling those old feelings creeping back, read the list. Also, try to think about any negative feelings you had while interacting with them. Negative feelings are different from bad qualities: they're how they made you feel, not what they did. Did you feel like your family friendships were compromised because your parents thought that person was wrong for you? Did that make you feel less secure in your judgments? Does that person bring you down a lot? These are only some of the things you can consider.
Imagine some of the negative consequences of your interaction with this person. Maybe there weren't very many negative consequences that happened as a result of your relationship. But there's a good chance that you can probably think of some if you try: Did they cause an unhealthy fixation on the past? Did they manipulate you to get what they wanted? Did they keep you from realizing your own dreams in favor of theirs? Did they cause you to believe that you should only be spending time with them, and not with other friends or family? Did they cause you to learn bad stress management or conflict resolution skills by constantly fighting or playing games with you?
Beginning to Move on
Get away from everything that reminds you of them until you're over them. This means not going to places that you had experiences with them at, putting away old pictures, and maybe even deleting their contact information from your phone or removing them from Facebook. It might seem rude, but you need to understand that you have to move on in life. Here's one way to think about it. If you're stopped at a red light and all the sudden it goes green, everyone else is going forward with their lives and you're just stuck. You will eventually get hit by another car or fined for staying in the middle of the road. You can move, but it takes effort to put your foot to the gas. Move on. You do not want to be the person stuck at the red light any longer. If seeing them on your home page on Facebook or seeing them on your phone will bring back sudden memories or you will be tempted to contact them, you need to delete them. If you own anything of theirs, now might be a good time to give it back to them if it holds memories or is important to them. If you want to avoid seeing them altogether, you can get a friend to deliver it, or ship it in the mail. Getting rid of things that remind you of them is not the same as destroying things. It may not be a great idea to send all of their belongings up into smoke by burning it in a funeral pyre. It's recommended that you store things, shelving them away, instead of destroying things. You want to temporarily forget about the memories, not destroy them altogether.
Go on a mini-vacation. It can be a stay-cation if you want (late night slumber party, anyone?) or it can be a full-blown vacation, off to an exotic destination. Whatever it is, you deserve it. You've been putting in a lot of work into this, and other, relationships, which means you've earned a break. Taking a vacation doesn't have to mean traveling far. In fact, you can still have a vacation if you stay in the same city. The trick is convincing your mind to let loose and act like you're in a totally foreign place. So meet some locals, go to a museum you've never gone to, and soak it all in.
Get your mind off them. Hanging out with friends, joining a club (i.e. drama clubs, creative writing or book clubs, online clubs, etc.) can help a lot. Do anything to get your mind off them. Write song lyrics or stories, do homework, hang out with friends at the mall, watch movies; all of these things work. Make sure that you're not thinking of them and there is absolutely no reason for you to encounter them or think about them. For example, if they work at the mall and your friends want to go there, don't go. Stay home and do something else. The whole point is to move on, and for most people who are in love, the moment they see their loved one again or the moment they start to communicate with them, old feelings begin coming back. So make sure you won't be seeing them at all. Try to find a hobby you're interested in such as art, music, writing, books, dance, etc. You can also kill two birds with one stone by trying to get something good done while moving on, such as losing weight, studying or doing homework, practicing for a speech or playact, or earning money.
Making a Clean Break
If you're ready, try to find someone new to love. You could meet this person in a bookstore or a coffee shop, online, or in the middle of the street. Never lose hope as to where you will find your one true love. It obviously didn't work out with you and the other person you once loved, otherwise you wouldn't be here right now. If it didn't work out between you two, it wasn't meant to be. Everything happens for a reason in the great scheme of things. Know that better things are ahead for you, and be glad that your love story will be in the future and not in the past. Motivate yourself for the future and never give up on finding your true love, because they are out there somewhere.
When looking for a special someone, remember to learn from the relationship mistakes of the past. You're probably going to start looking for someone new, which means exposing yourself to different situations and people. Throughout it all, remember to learn from past relationship mistakes instead of making them all over again. That way, you hopefully only have to move on once and put that behind you. Fingers crossed! For example, if you were in a manipulative relationship with someone, look for clues in the next possible relationship that it's turning manipulative. Stay away from people who make you feel bad for not getting what they want. Stay away from those who can't ever admit having done something wrong. You may be attracted to the pitfalls of the other person, and actively (or unconsciously) look for those in a new mate. But that's only because that person didn't give you the benefit of a healthy, active, mutually-respecting relationship. Once you're in a healthy, active, mutually-respecting relationship, you'll begin to realize that all the things you thought you needed in a relationship were, in fact, things that kept you from achieving your fullest happiness. Be wary of rebound relationships. Be mindful that you are vulnerable after rejection and that you cannot fathom whether or not someone new is going to form a safe, good and healthy relationship with you, don't get involved until you are sure about this. It can be better to give yourself a break to work out what you really need from a relationship than to rush in and repeat mistakes and bad decisions.
Get in the mindset that it's good that it happened, but everything has to end sometime. Appreciate the memories you shared with this person. There were probably good lessons learned. Don't wish it never happened — just wish to move on. Sometimes, moving on can be happy, too. You just have to see the good that this experience has shown you.
Let go now of false hope. Somewhere in your mind, you're going to think "I can make them love me. Maybe they didn't mean that, they were just embarrassed. Maybe one day everything will work out." No. Let go of all of that. In order to move on, you need to know now that there is no hope for you guys. If they rejected you, they were probably being serious and holding onto false hope is not going to help you whatsoever. Know that if they wanted you, they would come back to you. If they haven't already, you have to move on and let go of any false hope between the two of you. You can't make someone love you, and if you're thinking that, you might as well drop those thoughts. Everyone does it-you think it'll make you feel better. But in reality, it's really only making the situation worse because you're once again not moving on.
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