How to Practice Active Listening: Tips & Examples

Get rid of distractions.

Give the other person your full attention to show respect. When you’re about to have a conversation, put your phone away, turn off the TV, and avoid looking around the room. Set aside anything you’re working on, so you’re not tempted to fidget or lose focus. If you’re in a loud room, see if you can move to somewhere that’s a little quieter so you can avoid the background noise. This also goes for mental distractions, such as fixating on the speaker’s mannerisms or daydreaming. It’s still okay to have quick, casual conversations from across the room, but put down what you’re doing and face the person speaking if you’re talking for a long time.

Maintain eye contact.

Look at the person speaking so they know you’re attention’s on them. It’s okay to look away every now and then, but try to keep most of your focus on the other person’s face. That way, you’ll build a deeper connection and give your undivided attention to them. We know it can be hard to make eye contact if you’re shy or uncertain, so try focusing on the space between their eyebrows or mouth. You can even practice making eye contact with yourself in a mirror. In some cultures, prolonged eye contact is considered taboo and rude. Learn the customs of who you’re speaking to so you don’t make them feel uncomfortable.

Lean in toward the person.

If you slouch and cross your arms, you may come across as uninterested. Instead, lean closer to the person speaking so you’re more attentive and can hear them better. Keep your arms at your side to help you look more open and accepting of what they have to say. Stay aware of your body language throughout the conversation and correct your posture if you realize you’re closed off.

Smile and nod.

Encourage the other person to keep speaking with facial expressions. Be mindful of your facial expressions so you don’t accidentally make it seem like you’re disapproving or disgusted by what’s being said. Instead, offer a kind smile and nod along with what's being said to show you understand and/or are interested. With a little bit of encouragement, you’ll make the speaker feel more comfortable about opening up and truly saying what’s on their mind. Make sure your facial expressions match the tone of the conversation. For example, you probably shouldn’t smile when discussing relationship issues or another difficult topic.

Give short verbal affirmations.

Saying something like “mmhmm” or “I understand” keeps you engaged. If there’s a brief pause, let the person know you’re listening to them with a short, positive phrase. Be mindful not to speak over the person or interrupt them. The other person will get that you’re understanding them and feel comfortable going deeper into the conversation. Other things you can try saying include: “Okay.” “Go on.” “Oh?” “Then what happened?”

Stop thinking of what to say next.

Thinking about your side of the conversation distracts you more. Rather than waiting for your turn to talk, shut out those thoughts until the person is done speaking. Listen completely to the other person until they don’t have anything else to say so you can fully reflect on how they feel about the topic. Try not to get fixated on how you’ll respond to a minor thing the person says. Instead, listen to their entire side of the conversation so you can understand where they’re coming from.

Let them finish without interruption.

Avoid cutting the other person off so you don’t seem rude. Even though you may want to point out something the person says in the moment, hold the thought until they explain everything. If they pause in the middle of a sentence, let them collect their thoughts and finish rather than interjecting. When it’s your turn in the conversation, consider everything they said before bringing up your points. Try not to rush the other person. Let them go through the details they want to go over since it might be important to how they’re feeling.

Ask open-ended questions for clarification.

Encourage the person to speak more so you can understand them better. Open-ended questions also show that you were listening to their points and are genuinely interested in understanding them. So, ask open-ended questions like: “What did you mean by that?” “What are some of the other possibilities?” “How else could you explain this?” “What alternatives have you considered?” Be cautious using “why” questions since they might make the other person more defensive. For example, the question “Why would you think that?” could sound like you’re questioning how they feel. Expert Answer Q What is an example of a non-helpful response? Paul Chernyak, LPC Paul Chernyak, LPC Licensed Professional Counselor Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011. Paul Chernyak, LPC EXPERT ADVICE Answer from Paul Chernyak, LPC: An example of a non-helpful response is going off topic when it's your turn to speak or thinking about what you plan to say next while neglecting what the other person is saying at the moment.

Restate their points in your own words.

Repeat things that they’ve said to ensure you’re hearing them correctly. It’s okay if you don’t understand them completely since they’ll be able to correct you while you’re summarizing what they said. For example, you could say, “Let me see if I’m clear about this. You’re upset because I didn’t wash the dishes this morning. Is that correct?” As another example, you could say, “So you’re feeling angry because I made plans this weekend without asking you. Am I understanding that right?”

Validate the other person’s feelings.

Express empathy for them to show you really care. It takes a lot of courage to open up and talk through things, so let the person know you understand their emotions. Don’t get defensive or try to question them; instead, let them know that their feelings are valid and justified. It doesn’t matter if you fully agree with them, but it still makes the person feel like you care and shows that you listened to what they told you. For example, you could say, “I completely understand why that situation frustrated you.” As another example, you might tell them, “I sense that you’re upset, and that makes complete sense.”

Avoid giving advice.

The other person might not be asking for a solution to their problem. Rather than trying to solve the issue the person is going through, just be there to listen and validate their experiences. You don’t need to tell them about a similar experience you’ve been through or offer any help if they aren’t looking for it. Before giving any advice, make sure you understand their perspective completely and ask them if they’re looking for helpful responses. For example, you could say, “I understand what you’re saying. Is there anything I can do to help, or do you just want to vent?”

Avoid being judgmental.

Let the other person speak their mind so you hear their perspective. Even if you don’t fully agree with the person, don’t let your personal prejudices get in the way of what they’re saying. Rather than rudely putting the speaker down or asserting your opinions, keep an open mind and try to picture things from their point of view. Focus on their perspective of the topic and let them describe their thoughts. Let go of any assumptions you have on the topic and approach the conversation with curiosity. That way, you can be exposed to new points of view you haven’t considered before. Check the person’s body language for any underlying emotions they might be feeling. For example, if the person thought you promised to do chores around the house in the morning and you didn’t do them, they might feel a little upset.

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