How to Recover from a Friend's Attempted Suicide

Taking Care of Yourself

Let yourself feel. It’s normal to experience strong emotions after a friend attempts suicide. It can be very devastating and even traumatic for you to find out that your friend tried to end their life. Allow yourself to experience and process these emotions. Talk to another trusted friend who may also be experiencing what you’re going through, or consider going to a mental health professional. Some normal reactions include: Anger or “How could they do this?” Guilt or “I should have done more to help them.” Fear or “What if they try again?” Avoidance or “I can’t deal with this right now.” Minimizing or “They didn’t really mean it. They’re just trying to get attention.”

Seek support. It’s important you get support for your emotions from loved ones, friends, a professional, your church, a support group, or blogs and literature. Although it may be difficult to understand or talk about your friend’s actions, you’ll need someone (aside from that friend) who you can be open with on how their actions affected you. It’s especially important you seek support if you continue to remain friends and help them through recovering from their suicide attempt.

Recognize what you can do. You can’t do everything for your friend or change what happened. You can’t cure them, force them to get help, or fully protect them from attempting suicide again. It is normal to feel helpless and to blame yourself, but remember that you are not responsible for their happiness. Forgive yourself for these limitations and focus on what you can do instead. You can: Listen. Remove unsafe objects and weapons from their home. Involve other friends and family members for help. Allow yourself a break-to eat, to go to the bathroom, to rest-you’re only human.

Take care of your body. Just as you should seek support and take care of your emotional health, make sure you also focus on your own physical health. In the next few months as you spend more time taking care of your friend, you may forget to take care of yourself, especially if you have other responsibilities like work, school, or family. Take time for yourself to: Exercise on a daily basis, or at least a few times per week. Eat healthy and regular meals and snacks. Get adequate sleep, at least 7-9 hours per night.

Remember your own happiness. Don’t lose yourself in your friend’s mental health problems. It’s going to likely be a long and difficult journey ahead for them. Making sure you take time to fulfill your own needs for fun, play, and happiness will help you be better able to help your friend in the long run. Do whatever you need to do to be happy, whether that’s spending time with friends, going to the movies, painting, writing, or listening to music.

Taking Care of Your Friend

Avoid reacting negatively. Remember that even though you’re feeling very emotional right now, your friend is probably feeling worse and needs your support now more than ever. Avoid shaming them and making them feel worse about the suicide attempt. Don’t do any of the following: Lecture them. Panic. Try to fix them. Abandon them. Make them feel guilty.

Be supportive. Even though you’re feeling overwhelmed yourself, try your best to be supportive of your friend during this time. You might not know what to say exactly, but let them know they’re safe with you, can be honest with you, and will be supported by you. You can say: “I know this is really hard for you, but remember I’m here for you.” “I want to be here for you and help you. Tell me what you need from me.”

Encourage them to get help. Remember that you, other friends, and family members are no substitute for professional help after a suicide attempt. For the most part you’ll want them to take responsibility for their continuing care after a suicide attempt. However, you should still be supportive, encouraging, and involved if they’re motivated to get help. You could: Help them to find a good counselor. Provide them with a number for a suicide hotline. Help them keep track of their medications. Volunteer to drive them to counseling appointments.

Ask them questions. Try to understand what your friend is going through or was going through during the time of the suicide attempt. Rather than try to avoid an uncomfortable or painful conversation, take time to ask your friend questions. Giving them an outlet to talk about their feelings will potentially reduce the risk of them acting on suicidal thoughts in the future. You can ask: How are you coping? How long have you been feeling this way? Are you still thinking about hurting yourself? Is this the first time you’ve attempted to hurt yourself? What are your reasons for living?

Helping Your Friend Recover

Create a safety plan for the future. Now that your friend has attempted suicide, it may be helpful for both of you have a safety plan in place in case an attempt is made again. You can help your friend agree to and create a safety plan that you can use in a time of crisis. Some things you should include in the safety plan are: Triggers that might lead to a suicide attempt, such as relationship stress or drug use. Contact numbers for friends and family. Contact numbers for a therapist, doctor, or mental health facility.

Take future warning signs seriously. To help your friend with future suicidal thoughts or attempts, be on the lookout for warning signs that are really pleas for help. Take these warning signs seriously and respond to them. Don’t be afraid to talk to your friend or others for help if you notice any warning signs. Some common warning signs to look out for include: Frequent talk and preoccupation about suicide, self-harm, or death. Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and worthlessness. Social isolation. Saying goodbye and giving away possessions. Self-destructive behavior.

Know when you need to respond. Your friend may experience suicidal thoughts again. It’s important you don’t overreact to every little thing they say about suicidal thoughts or their mood, as some of these are normal or can be worked through in therapy. Understand when you need to be supportive and just listen versus when you need to take more concrete action and get outside help. Some helpful questions you can ask yourself about their risk and when to respond with direct action include: Does your friend have a plan to take their life? Does your friend have the means to take their life? Does your friend have a time set in mind? What is your friend’s level of intention of carrying out their plan?

Provide continued support. Be as consistently supportive of your friend as you can. Check-in on them frequently by calling, scheduling time with them, and dropping by. Your support and friendship will help keep them on a healthier path. You should also: Avoid over-promising. If you know you can’t check-in on them frequently, get someone else to do so and be realistic with yourself and with them about how often you can spend time with them or check in. Follow through on any plans you set. Avoid being vague, such as saying “Let me know if you need anything.” Instead you can say, “What do you need? I can come by with take-out food at 5:30 pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays after I get off work, if you want?”

Encourage lifestyle changes. Help your friend focus on making changes in all areas of lifestyle, not just emotional and mental health. For example, you may want to start exercising with them on a regular basis. Take them to your gym or get them to go out for a run or walk with you a few times per week. You can encourage them to eat well by cooking a meal for them or offering to go to the grocery store with them. You can encourage healthy, supportive social interaction by getting them out of their house and scheduling activities with other friends.