How to Talk to Anyone

Striking Up Conversations

Relax going into the situation. If you're nervous about the prospect of talking to others, it can be stressful to strike up a conversation. Going into a social situation, strive to relax. This way, you will be able to smoothly start conversations without fumbling over your words. Try doing something physical before social interactions to help you relax. meditate or practice something like progressive muscle relaxation. Find a quiet spot to engage in a relaxation ritual prior to a social event. This will help you go into the event calm. At a minimum, take a few slow deep breaths.

Watch body language. You want to make sure someone wants to talk before striking up conversation with them. You will not be able to talk to anyone if you approach people before they want to be approached. Watch for signs someone is ready to engage before beginning a conversation if they seem closed off, wait until they're more relaxed. Look for open body language. Someone should not be blocking their torso by doing things like crossing their arms. People who want to talk will be standing tall with their arms at their sides. Someone may also catch your eye briefly, indicating they are open to conversation. This is a good sign it's safe to approach someone.

Open with a question. A question is a great way to open a conversation. It gets things going and conveys interest in the other person. Shortly after introducing yourself, try asking a question. Also, it is best to ask an open-ended question that requires more than a "yes" or a "no" answer. If you're at a party, for example, open by saying something like, "How do you know the host?" If you're at a networking event, ask someone about their work. Say something like, "What exactly does your job entail?"

Use your surroundings to strike up a conversation. You can also try working with what you have to begin a conversation. If you're stumbling to think of a question or a topic, comment on your surroundings. Look around the room and pull a conversation starter from there. For example, say something like, "I love the wood floors here. It feels so old fashioned." You can also invite the other person to share their input, which can spur a conversation. For example, "What do you think of this wallpaper? I've never seen anything like it."

Maintaining a Conversation

Listen to the other person. People will naturally talk to those who listen. Everyone wants to feel important and heard, so if you want people to talk to you give them your full attention. Make sure you always listen when someone is talking. Try to follow the rule, "Listen first, talk second," after starting the conversation. Once you open things up, let the person share their input completely before interjecting. Show that you're listening by maintaining eye contact and nodding on occasion. You can also say things like, "Mmhm.." to convey interest.

Ask questions. Questions are a great way to keep a conversation going. If there seems to be a lull in conversation, push it forward with a few questions. Try asking about something someone just said. For example, "That's interesting. What was it like going to school in a big city?" You can also bring up a new topic through a question. Think about something that would be appropriate to introduce given the situation. For example, if you're talking to someone at school, say something like, "What did you think of that chemistry exam?"

Share information about yourself. People will not want to talk to you if you simply bombard them with questions. People are uncomfortable talking to people who ask a lot about others but share little about themselves. Make sure you divulge information about yourself so people will want to talk to you. Try to make a pattern between asking questions and sharing information. For example, you ask someone how they're enjoying a book they're reading. After they share, make a comment about something you've recently read. You should also be willing to answer any questions someone asks you in return. If you seem like you're withholding information, people may become nervous and not want to talk to you.

Change topics when necessary. Watch to make sure someone is not getting uncomfortable with a topic. Someone may look nervous if you bring up a certain topic and get quiet. You also may simply have exhausted a given topic. If you're both struggling to think of what to say in a conversation, find a new topic. It's best to try to find a related topic. If you're talking about books, for example, move the conversation to movies. However, if you can't think of anything that's related, it's okay to introduce something new. Fall back on a general question, such as, "What do you do for a living?" or "Where did you grow up?"

Bring up current events. Current events can be a great way to keep a conversation going. If you stay up to date with what's going on in the world, it will be easy to talk to anyone. You will be able to make conversation about things people are thinking about in the present moment. You do not have to bring up serious current events, especially in a situation where someone may become uncomfortable. If you want to keep things noncontroversial, bring up the new hit movie, celebrity scandal, or a hit song on the radio.

Avoiding Common Mistakes

Avoid trying to one up others. Sometimes, without realizing it, you're accidentally one-upping people during conversations. This is often due to nervousness. You may try to bring up a story that relates, but some stories may seem bigger or more important than the other person's story. For example, someone is talking about a weekend vacation to a city a few miles out of town. Do not bring up your month long trip to Europe after graduation. It may come off like bragging. Try to keep the stories you share equal. For example, if someone brings up a modest vacation, talk about a similar vacation you've taken. For example, talk about the weekend trips you took to your grandmother's house as a kid.

Do not make assumptions about the other person. Go into the conversation operating under the assumption everyone is a blank slate. Do not assume someone will agree with you or share your values. People are biased to assume those they engage with share similar values and beliefs, but this often not true. In conversation, remember you do not know how this person feels about a given topic. Debates can be enjoyable and, if someone seems open to the idea, it's okay to share your beliefs. However, make sure not to introduce a topic in a way that makes assumptions. For example, when commenting on a recent election, do not say, "That was such a letdown, right?" Instead, bring up the topic in a way that invites the other person to share their beliefs. For example, "What did you think of the recent election?"

Refrain from judgment. People do not want to make conversation with people who are judgmental. During any conversation, remind yourself you're trying to learn about another person. You are not there to make judgments or assumptions. Refrain from analyzing what's being said and instead focus on listening. This will give you less time to judge, making people comfortable sharing with you.

Make sure to remain in the present. It's easy to let your mind wander during conversation. Make sure not to do so. If you seem absent minded, people will not want to talk to you. Keep your mind in the here and now and avoid thinking about what you're going to say next or daydreaming about something else altogether. If you're having trouble staying in the present, do something physical to bring your senses back to the present moment. For example, wiggle your toes.