Building Trust and Openness
Communicate openly about issues and ideas. All good relationships are built on communication, openness, and honesty. Hiding your dreams and passions from her is only going to create a divide between you, making it harder to connect as you drift apart. Bridge this gap by talking openly and often. Share your hopes, fears, and wacky ideas, and she'll feel free to share hers. This includes ideas that are difficult to talk about. You may think you should "protect her," but she is a smart, capable person just like you. She'll feel more touched that you trusted her than hurt by what you have to say.
Make eye contact. Eye contact breeds trust, closeness, and love. It shows that you're talking honestly and respectfully, whereas looking away may make you seem untrustworthy. Just as importantly, keep you eyes up and away from her body. You don't want a girl to think you only like her for her body. If you have trouble making eye-contact, look between her eyes or at her earlobe. If you're a few feet away, most people won't notice that you're not looking at their eyes.
Make listening a priority. 50% of conversation is listening, but people often forget how important it is to shut up from time to time. Ask her questions and listen thoughtfully, nodding along and asking relevant questions when possible. If you've been talking for 2-3 minutes straight, it is time to slow down and ask her a question. Make eye-contact as you listen. Ask her simple questions like, "how was your day?" and "what do you think of that?"
Give compliments, as long as they are genuine. If you really like this girl, try unique compliments, such as "I love your laugh, it brightens up the whole room," instead of "you have beautiful eyes". Avoid cheesy pick-up lines that she's probably heard before. A compliment only means something if you really mean the compliment. The more genuine and specific your compliment, the better it will be. Think about what you really love about her and let her know. Don't just spit the lines you've heard in movies.
Be there for her when she's upset. Sometimes she doesn't expect you to offer a solution, but instead wants you to listen to her vent. Treat her with care and compassion when she shares her feelings with you. If she needs time and space, give it to her. Being supportive is about being there when she needs you. Even if something seems small to you, you need to show her that you care when she's upset. If she seems upset, but won't talk, don't push her. Just listen. Ask her if there "is anything on your mind?" or simply "how is everything going." Asking her "if something is wrong" implies that there is something bad happening, which can cause her to close up.
Making Her Feel Special
Surprise her with occasional, spontaneous displays of affection. Quickly kiss her cheek, grab and squeeze her hand, or whisper something kind in her ear. Gauge how she responds. Every girl is different, and some will like more obvious affections (like a kiss in public) more than others. Some ideas include: Pull her into you, lean in and kiss her. Let her do the same. When it comes to kissing, don't always take charge. Hug her from behind and kiss her on the cheek as a surprise "Hello." Cuddle with her when you lay down or sit together. Put an arm around her shoulder or kiss her shoulder. Hold her from behind and rest your neck on her shoulder.
Text, call, or reach out once a day. It doesn't have to be a big conversation every time. Simply showing her that you think about her is enough. Send her a link to a new recipe to try together, a potential date, or a funny picture. Ask her how she's doing. Let her know what you're up to, or something interesting that happened to you. Even a quick Snapchat or two shows that she's on your mind, and that you don't just ignore her when she's not around.
Make small, daily interactions into "mini-dates" from time to time. Take her on a moonlit walk, or out to get a cone of ice cream. Grab some nice take-out and a good movie for a surprise night in, cook her a meal before she gets home, or just ask her to come eat lunch on a park bench instead of in the cafeteria or break room. These little acts of kindness show that you are thinking of her and are willing to go out of the way, just a little bit, to keep her happy.
Take her on dates. Going on dates isn't just about spending money, it is about carving out time to be alone together. A great date is just a chance to enjoy each other's company, learning more about each other and exploring the world together. Movies, concerts, and dinners are all classic dates, but they are not the only things you can do. Think about her passions and interests and find dates that she might enjoy. Head to the local SPCA and play with some animals for a cuddly free date idea. Go out for a hike or walk in the local park and pack a picnic dinner or lunch for the ending. Check your local paper for events, from street festivals to outdoor music and theater.
Remember and celebrate the special days, like birthdays and anniversaries. Take initiative on the big days and plan a surprise, even if it is something small like flowers or breakfast in bed. Having the foresight to celebrate these little milestones will make her feel special and show her that you value the relationship as much as she. Occasionally, have a little fun by celebrating a goofy holiday or anniversary, like the first time you cooked together or National Talk Like a Pirate Day.
Being a Gentleman
Act chivalrously, remembering your manners. Most boys forget about opening doors, letting the girl walk first, etc, believing that the behaviors are "old-fashioned." But nothing makes a girl notice you more than if you hold the door for her, help her with her books, or pull her chair out for her. Channel your inner gentleman. This isn't about patronizing her or acting like she isn't independent, it's about taking the time to be kind and thoughtful. Offer her your arm when she's in heels, or hold hands through busy crowds. Let her go first through doors, down the street, and into the car. Offer her your seat, especially when they are limited (like on the bus). Avoid showing off or talking about yourself.
Don't talk about a girl's body parts with her or your friends. Don't talk about other girls' booties or how big their boobs are. It shows you are disrespectful and may only see women sexually. This includes talking about your own girl's assets. While some girls don't mind the occasional compliment about it, over-emphasizing their physical attributes makes you seem uncreative and single-minded. Try not to use words like "hot" or "sexy." Instead, try "gorgeous" or "beautiful," which are a little gentler and apply to more than just her breasts and butt.
Don't treat her like one of your guy friends. Be nice, kind, and generous. Avoid bodily noises. Don't be obnoxious, putting on your music, your movies, and your shows all the time. Show her that you have been raised well and been taught to treat women with respect, which is really attractive. It is perfectly okay to have things you talk about with the boys but not your girl. You don't ever need to lie to her, you just don't have to bring up certain things. Some topics, like the new Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, are meant to stay between the guys.
Spend most of your time with her when in groups and parties. This doesn't mean you need to be joined at the hip. Spend time with your own friends as well, but check in with each other regularly to make sure she's not alone in the corner.
Never force a girl to do things with you. Show her you care by kissing her all over (forehead, hand, ear) and making her feel like she's special every day. However, you each need to respect each other's boundaries. If something makes her feel uncomfortable, you need to pull back. She has the right to determine what she wants to do, and trying to pressure her into something is rude, disrespectful, and wrong. During a quiet, calm moment, ask her about her sexual preferences and desires casually. Don't have this conversation in the heat of the moment, but some other time, where the talk can be cool and casual.
Be respectful to your girl when talking to friends. How you talk about your girl to your friends will tell them how it is okay to talk about her to you. If you are disrespectful, cracking jokes and sharing secrets, they will feel like they can do the same thing. Remember that the things you and your girlfriend do together are personal and should not be talked about with your pals. Don't treat her any differently in public than you do in private. Living a dual life is not only hard, it's unsustainable. Treat her with the love and respect she deserves both at home and in the wider world.
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