'Britney dumps K-Fed by Text message', the headlines screamed, some time back. It's bad enough that her message read 'I wnt 2 dvrce u'.
To top that, the crew of MuchMusic, a Canadian channel capture Kevin Federline's reaction on camera. Ouch! That had to have stung.
Well, Britney's not the only one dumping guys through SMS. The pop star merely made this break-up style pretty popular!
No doubt SMS break-ups are much easier and save you the heartache of having to see your partner's reaction. But it's not so pretty for the person on the receiving end.
Vikas Singhania, 22, was rather taken aback when his girlfriend of over eight months messaged him saying 'I'm grounded. I cannot meet you again.'
"I tried calling her but she wouldn't pick up her phone. I even called her friends to find out what happened but they said they didn't know anything. This went on for a couple of weeks and finally I got the message," a heartbroken Vikas explains.
Vikas probably wasn't the best boyfriend in the world but the poor guy deserved a decent explanation, don't you think?
SMS and e-mail are probably the most demeaning ways to break up with someone. "It's actually just an escapist route," says Dr. Rajiv Anand, Psychiatrist and Marriage Counsellor. "It just goes to show your partner that whatever you promised him was just humbug."
But before you go cursing technology for anti-social behaviour, you have got to hear Joanna D'Silva's (name changed) story. "I was in junior college when I met Ivan, my first boyfriend. Within a week of going out with him I found him rather boring," Joanna says sheepishly.
Ivan would wait at one of the college gates for me after lectures to walk me home and I would just not show up. I would go off through the other gate. I didn't know how to tell Ivan I didn't like him anymore. So finally I wrote him a letter and left it on his desk in class, she explains. Now that's one letter you really don't want to open.
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Most people would agree it would be better if their partner told them they wanted out rather than send them a text message or leave a post-it (yes, a post-it) on their desk at work. But just telling your partner you want to break up doesn't cut it. A decent explanation is in order. And no, 'It's not you, it's me' and 'I think we should be friends' don't count for explanations.
Not breaking up the right way is one thing, but not breaking up at all?! Swati Deshpande (name changed), 27, was in a relationship for over two years when she and her boyfriend realised they just couldn't take the relationship further.
They really cared about each other and didn't want to stop meeting or talking. So instead of breaking up, they just continued to meet (not as regularly) like any other couple sans making out. In fact, they even dated other people casually.
"The heartache really began when I got into a serious relationship with someone else," says Swati. "He couldn't handle it and that's when we completely drifted apart, but not before some really unpleasant happenings."
"If your relationship with someone isn't going anywhere, you must end it formally, " Dr Rajiv Anand warns. Keeping a window open is taxing and energy consuming since there will be expectations and disappointments consequently, he explains.
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So, the real question is what is the right way to break up?
Dr Rajiv Anand gives us some tips on the right way to end a relationship.
- Don't avoid your partner's calls, saying you are busy. Instead talk to him and explain how you feel.
- End the relationship formally for your own sake as well as your partner's. It will save you the guilt you will face knowing that your partner is suffering.
- Be truthful about your reason for calling it quits. Remember, it doesn't work to lie because your partner might just attempt to change those things you don't like about himself. And you still won't want to continue the relationship.
- Never say nasty things during a break up. That is just immature and never bad mouth the person to your friends.
- Appreciate him for the good times you'll shared together. This will reduce the pain of ending a relationship.
- Assure your partner that you respect him and will always do even if you both are not in a relationship.
For more information or advice contact:
Dr Rajiv Anand, Psychiatrist and marriage counsellor
Personal Touch Counselling Centre
Rahat Clinic, Cama Lane
Opposite Station, Andheri West
Mumbai -- 400 058
Mobile: (0) 9820064768
e-mail: [email protected]
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