Nobody warned us that dating can be difficult. Especially in the current times, online dating has created more challenges and triggers. Depending on an app we have gradually normalised ghosting, catfishing, lack of communication and clarity, and anxious attachment.
According to Dr Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD quote in Very Well Mind, “Anxiously attached people are hungry for connection and will also be apprehensive of its reliability. They tend to amplify emotional signals as they seek evidence of other people’s responsiveness to them.
John Bowlby, a British Psychologist, was the first attachment theorist. Later the theory was expanded by Mary Ainsworth. According to them, a person’s attachment style develops during their childhood days as a result of their direct interaction with their parents or caregiver(s).
The anxious attachment style develops during childhood when parents suddenly become absent – physically or emotionally. If the child did not receive emotional responsiveness, as an adult it can lead them to be skeptical and become dependent.
Attachment and Dating Coach, Elizabeth Karina is quite active on Instagram and has recently posted about signs of anxious attachment in dating.
Check out her post here –
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Signs of anxious attachment are:
1. You can easily become preoccupied with the other person, often putting that person on a pedestal, worrying about whether they have lost interest or will lose interest, whether are they pulling away, do they like me, etc.
2. Your focus is other-focused (does this person like me & how can I get them to like me?) vs. centered between yourself & others.
3. Your nervous system is finely tuned to notice any small changes in communication, length of time between contact, emotional distance, etc. And any amount of perceived distance or disconnection is extremely uncomfortable for you & will send your nervous system into hyper-arousal (anxious freakout state).
4. Your deepest fear is being rejected/ abandoned (which translates to a fear of the loss of connection). So you will tend to overextend and try to close the perceived gap between you & the other person.
She explains what these signs might mean.
- It may mean that the person has weak boundaries (trouble saying no)
- Uncertainty leads to anxiety
- They need a lot of reassurance
- They try to be too nice and accommodating
- Overthinking texts and conversations
- Always being the one reaching out or following up
- Sharing too much and having serious conversations early on
- Using physical intimacy to try to create intimacy
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