Healing is almost always a hard journey to embark on. Especially if what you are trying to heal from is a deep-rooted wound. It most certainly requires us to do two things according to therapist Emily H Sanders shared. On her Instagram handle, she let us know that healing always involves stopping some old patterns and starting some new things. She shared eight habits that anyone hoping to heal needs to stop doing immediately. While no one has to figure it all out all at once, it is always helpful to know which direction to start.
The therapist also asked people to remember that if they find themselves doing any of the following habits, they should not be hard on themselves.
A post shared by Emily H. Sanders, LMFT (@emily.sanders.therapy)
Holding On: First and foremost, you must stop holding on to things or relationships that drain you. There is no point putting in effort into a relationship that is not healthy for you. If you ever find yourself holding onto a relationship that is taxing, let it go.
Doing It All Alone: Often people develop a coping mechanism of handling everything all alone. Hyper-independence can be a sign of something not being right. This desire to be independent of help or care from others can be isolating. Trying to do everything alone might also have you bottle up your emotions, which is not healthy for your well-being.
Seeking Understanding: Emily H Sanders shared that we must stop working hard to get people to understand us who do not care or have the ability to understand us. There might be several reasons why some people fail to understand others. This empathy gap is a cognitive bias that makes people struggle to understand mental states that are different from their present state.
Judgments: The therapist has also shared that people need to stop judging their own feelings. It is especially important to be compassionate to yourself. Self-compassion is all about turning our compassion inward. Give yourself the understanding that you would give another person rather than being harshly self-critical. This is important when you feel you have failed, made mistakes, or feel otherwise inadequate.
Staying Silent: One of the coping mechanisms that can hinder our growth and healing is holding back our feelings and thoughts to maintain peace. Staying quiet about what hurt you is ultimately going to have the opposite effect of having peace. Eventually, all these bottled-up emotions are going to cause deeper hurt than before.
Vague Boundaries: Healthy boundaries refer to the limits you place around yourself to avoid getting exploited. This includes protecting your time, emotions, body, and mental health. If order to foster an environment of healing, Emily H. Sanders shared that we need to stop being vague about our boundaries. Set them in place with clear communication and maintain them no matter what the circumstances are.
Avoiding Hard Conversations: Pretty similar to being silent about your hurt, this coping mechanism is all about avoiding hard conversations. Every time you keep holding back yourself from having hard conversations, you develop a resentment that is ultimately going to cause your relationship to turn sour. This can also manifest into stress-related illnesses in worst-case scenarios.
Pretending To Be Okay: Pretending you are okay is not going to make the situation go away. If anything, it will turn things worse. While it may look like the perfect short-term solution to a foul mood, the long-term effects can be highly debilitating. Both to mental and physical health. It is better to open up to a loved one or seek professional help.
The therapist also shared in her post that it can benefit people from finding out why they have developed these coping behaviors. It might also be a good idea to look into what ways is someone hurting right now, and also take some responsibility for their choices too. Just take one coping mechanism from this list for a month and work your way through it. Always remember to ask for support when you need to.
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