Practicing Emotional Maturity
Think through your decisions so you don’t act impulsively. Whenever you’re given multiple choices, take a moment to consider each of the options. Make a mental list of the pros and cons of each choice and think about what you’re trying to achieve from your decision. Consider all of the actions you can take rather than settling for one that’s easier. Once you think over all of the choices you can make, choose the one that's most beneficial to the end goal you want to reach. If you aren’t sure what option to choose, ask someone that you trust to see if they can offer any advice. It’s okay to make spontaneous decisions every so often, such as hanging out with friends when they ask you if you aren’t busy or eating at a restaurant instead of cooking a meal. Be firm in your decisions so you seem more reliable and don’t fall victim to peer pressure.
Work on controlling your anger or frustration so you don’t act out. When you feel angry or frustrated, try taking a few deep breaths to calm yourself down so you don’t yell or get argumentative. If you need to get some space, try walking away for a few minutes to clear your head and look at the situation with fresh eyes. When you need to address someone or something that makes you angry, talk through what you’re feeling without raising your voice. Realize that it’s okay to feel angry or frustrated, but it’s not okay to act out because of it. State your feelings rather than bottling them up and keeping them to yourself.Tip: Try writing down your feelings in a journal to work through them more. Include what made you angry, how you reacted, and how you felt afterward.
Take responsibility for your actions if you make a mistake. Don’t let other people take the blame for your actions. If you did something wrong or made a mistake, tell the people it affected and apologize sincerely for your actions. Ask the people for forgiveness and see if there’s anything you can do to fix the problem. While there may still be consequences, other people will view you as trustworthy and mature. For example, you could say, “I’m sorry that I knocked over and broke your vase. Will you please forgive me? Would you like me to buy you a replacement?” Avoid lying to other people since people won’t be able to trust you as easily.
Stay positive and optimistic to help you through hard times. Rather than focusing on the bad or negative qualities of something, try to focus on the positive aspects. Reframe bad experiences you’ve had to think about what you’ve learned from it and what you can apply it in the future. If you have trouble staying positive, try making a list of things that make you happy or events you’re looking forward to so you can cheer up. For example, if you fail a test, you may be upset because you didn’t do well. Instead, focus on what you can do to improve your score on the next, such as studying more or reading things more carefully. Having a negative attitude can make other people think you’re immature and not want to spend time with you. Failure is a regular part of life, so it’s okay for it to happen every so often.
Keep an open mind so you don’t judge others. If someone says something you disagree with or are confused by, ask questions about it rather than judging them for their choices. Try to see things from their point of view so you can get a better understanding of them. In addition to that, push yourself to do things that are out of your comfort zone so you can experience new things and learn about new things. Learning new skills or picking up a new hobby can help you broaden your horizons even more. Do things that are out of your comfort zone so you can learn and grow more mature. Try to surround yourself with people who have different backgrounds and viewpoints.
Act humble so you don’t seem jealous of other people. Avoid trying to one-up other people or showing off since it can make you seem self-centered. Keep any jealous feelings you have to yourself rather than vocalizing them. Try to recognize things that you have or have earned so you can feel more proud about yourself and what you’ve accomplished. Don’t try to actively seek attention since it can make it look like you’re trying too hard to be mature.
Taking Mature Actions
Persevere through challenging tasks to see them to completion. Don’t give up on something that you’ve already started since it may seem like you’re unreliable. Instead, break up the task into smaller, more manageable goals so it doesn’t seem as intimidating. Work hard towards finishing the task to the best of your ability without rushing through any steps. Take time to do a high-quality job so it looks like you’re more responsible and able to complete difficult tasks. For example, if you have a big project due in 2 weeks, work on it for a little while each day rather than trying to rush it right before the due date. It’s okay to ask for help or assistance if you feel overwhelmed or don’t know what steps to take next.
Try to do things by yourself without asking others to do them for you. Don’t push your responsibilities onto someone else since it could make you seem like you’re trying to avoid work. Write a list of things that you need to get done and do your best to work through them on your own. Start working through your list as soon as you can so you don’t feel rushed trying to complete them later on. Make time to do each of the tasks so you can complete them with the highest quality. It’s alright to ask someone for help if you don’t know how to do something or you physically can’t do it on your own. Don’t have the other person do the work for you, but ask them to teach you so you can do it on your own the next time. Don’t take advantage of people that offer to do things for you.
Develop SMART goals for yourself to build your self-esteem. Choose goals that are SMART, or specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time bound, so you can feel like you’ve accomplished something when you complete them. Give yourself an end goal that you can easily track and finish in a certain amount of time. Track the progress of your goals using a journal or calendar so you can see what you need to complete in order to reach them. For example, avoid setting a vague goal like, “Lose weight.” Instead, write your goal like, “Lose 5 pounds in 3 weeks.” That way, you can easily track how close you are to completion. You can set long-term goals as well as short-term goals so you’re always striving toward something.Warning: Don’t choose goals that are too difficult for you to complete. For example, rather than setting a goal to get straight As in all of your classes, try to set a goal to get As in 2–3 classes so it’s more manageable.
Assist other people to show that you care about them. Helping other people can make you seem more selfless and caring, which will allow people to take you more seriously. Rather than only thinking about yourself, put yourself in other peoples’ perspectives so you can get a better understanding of their needs. Ask if there’s anything you can do to help, or do random acts of kindness, such as opening the door for someone or doing a chore without being asked. Don’t help other people just to make yourself seem better since it may come across as insincere. Show genuine interest in the person and the task they want to complete.
Be willing to make sacrifices to seem more compassionate. Try doing things that you don’t normally want to do just to help other people out. Avoid doing things just because it will make you look better or more mature, but do them because you want to help out. Start practicing by giving up 1 thing that you want to do each week so you can join someone else for what they’d like to do. For example, you can give up playing video games on a weekend so you can spend time with your family.
Recognize some things are out of your control. You won’t always be able to get what you want and sometimes, bad things will happen that you can’t change. Accept the circumstances of what’s happening and do your best not to let it affect you negatively. Try to look for the positive aspects of the situation so you can learn from it and apply it to your life going forward. For example, if someone runs into your vehicle, don’t focus as much on the damage. Instead, be glad that you or nobody else got hurt. As another example, if your family moves to a different city, look forward to the new friends that you can make and places you can visit.
Communicating like an Adult
Take time before you speak to think about what you want to say. Before you respond to someone, take a moment to consider what message and tone you’re trying to convey and choose your words so they match your overall intentions. Pause between words if you don’t know what to say rather than using filler words, such as “like” or “um.” Try to be as succinct as you can so you don’t come across as unclear. Avoid blurting things out as soon as you think of them since it can seem immature and impulsive. Avoid gossiping or bad-mouthing others since it will make people less likely to trust you. If you don’t know how to respond to something right away, ask the other person if you can have time to think over a decision so you can weigh your options.
Don’t complain about things frequently. While it’s okay to complain about genuine problems, avoid being overly negative or trying to find something to complain about. Be happy about the things that you do have and the positive aspects that come from them. Practice being grateful by thanking people and letting them know that you care about them. For example, rather than complaining about a meal that you don’t particularly like to eat, be grateful that you have food to eat. It’s okay if you disagree with people and make minor complaints from time to time.
Listen to other people actively to show you’re respectful to others. Maintain eye contact with the person that’s talking to you and nod every so often to show you’re paying attention. Try to mimic the speaker’s body language, such as leaning in closer or copying their posture, to connect with them more. When it’s your turn to respond, take a moment to process their words and repeat some of the things they said so they know you were listening. Don’t cut off the other person while they’re talking.Tip: Try to avoid looking away at your phone or other distractions since the person may think that you don’t care about what they have to say.
Speak up for yourself when someone puts you down. If another person says something that you take offense to or disagree with, defend yourself and state how it makes you feel. Don’t yell or try getting into an argument, but let the other person know why you’re upset in a calm tone so they can take you more seriously. If the person doesn’t continue the conversation in a civil way, walk away so you don’t lash out or get into trouble with them. For example, if someone bullies you about what you’re wearing, you may say, “I don’t appreciate you making fun of me. I really like this outfit and that’s all that matters.” Be confident when you talk to help others know that you’re being serious with them.
Avoid being argumentative or negative toward other people. If you disagree with someone, ask them questions rather than raising your voice or having a negative tone. Try to apply what they said to their point of view so you get a better understanding of where they’re coming from. Stay open-minded and non-judgemental as best as you can so you don’t seem rude or uncaring for them. It’s okay to have disagreements with people since you won’t always see eye to eye with them. Just avoid responding in an angry or hostile way.
Thank people when they give or offer you something to express gratitude. Being gracious lets people know that you care about and appreciate them for their actions. If someone takes the time to do something for you, be sure to thank them in a genuine way so you don’t seem insincere. Avoid complaining about things if they don’t go the way you expect them and instead look at the positive aspects. For example, if someone gives you a gift that you didn’t want, you should still say something like, “Thank you so much for the gift.” You can also thank people for everyday situations. For example, if you’re running late, you can say, “Thank you for being patient with me.”
Ask for feedback or criticism to show you’re looking for improvement. Mature people are always trying to learn and grow, so reach out to someone you trust to get their advice. Explain what you want for feedback so the other person knows what to look for or comment on. Listen thoughtfully to the feedback without responding at first so you can take in what they’re saying. Consider all of the points that they’ve made and apply what you can to your life. You don’t need to apply all of the feedback if you disagree with some of it, but take time to see if it fits with what you’re trying to improve.
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