How to Act on a First Date (Girls)

Feeling Confident and Ready

Figure out the agenda. Plan the occasion yourself or ask your date what you will be doing for the duration. Choose what you wear and bring based on the type of activity or setting. If you are the one planning the date, try something besides the typical dinner-and-movie. Go hiking, to an arcade, or to a science museum, for example. Doing something active and interesting will take some of the pressure off conversation and allow you and your date to relax more. Ask what your date has in mind if they are planning it. If it’s a secret, simply ask what type of setting it is, like outdoors, active, or fancy. When in doubt, opt for something comfortable that you can move around in, especially in regards to shoes.

Boost your confidence. Build up your confidence before the date by doing something that makes you feel good about yourself. Give yourself a pep talk, visualize the date going really well, or think about another time that you accomplished something big in your life. Try standing in front of a mirror and encouraging yourself! While it may feel silly, giving yourself a pep talk can really put you in a good mood before your date. Try telling yourself something like, “I am happy with myself and happy to have this date, so no matter what happens, I’ll have fun!” Think of another occasion in your life for which you were really nervous, but which went really well after all. Imagine that feeling of relief and accomplishment when you completed what you set out to do. Know that there’s no reason you can’t feel the same way with this date!

Give yourself time to get ready. Plan to give yourself ample time to get ready before your date, whether that means showering and getting dressed, doing hair and makeup, or just giving yourself a little pep talk in the mirror. Don’t put yourself in a position where you have to rush, otherwise you’ll be flustered right from the beginning of the date. You probably already have a good idea of how long it takes you to get ready, so stick to that. You don’t need to do anything extra to your appearance beyond what makes you feel good about yourself. Your date already knows and expects your normal look. Avoid getting ready too far in advance, which may make you antsy or more nervous when you finish getting ready and have to wait till the date starts. This could also increase the chance of you getting your clothes dirty, hair messed up, makeup smudged, etc. EXPERT TIP Lisa Shield Lisa Shield Dating Coach Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan. Lisa Shield Lisa Shield Dating Coach Think about the impression you want your outfit to make. For a first date, modesty works well. For example, if you're wearing a lower-cut blouse, don't wear a short skirt with it, or if you wear a short skirt, wear a top with more coverage. Also, keep in mind that men often prefer a more natural look, so consider keeping your makeup and jewelry minimal.

Confirm the time and place you’ll meet. Make sure you’re on the same page with your date about how, when, and where you’re meeting up. This will avoid any confusion or awkwardness that could ruin your date from the start if there’s any miscommunication. Communicate with your date about whether one of you is picking the other up and where, or if you’re meeting at an agreed-upon spot. If the latter, decide on a recognizable landmark to meet at. “I’ll meet you outside the main doors of the theater,” for example, or “Let’s meet at the horse statue in the park.” Be on time to the date. Being “fashionably late” won’t be impressive to your date and will only make him worried you’ve stood them up.

Acting Comfortable and Friendly

Greet your date warmly. Say hello when you meet up with your date. Go in for a quick but friendly hug to show that you’re happy to see them and are open to getting close (if you're comfortable with that). Try cracking a quick joke to diffuse any awkwardness, or even acknowledging that you’re nervous. This will either make your date feel less alone if they're nervous too, or seek to make you feel comfortable throughout the date. Wave your date in from the car if they are picking you up and honks from the driveway. You can avoid an awkward car hug and chat casually with them while you do something natural, like pull on your coat or grab your purse and get ready to go.

Smile and make eye contact. Let your date know you’re having a good time by remembering to smile and maintain eye contact, which shows them you’re listening and enjoying yourself. Avoid forcing any facial expression, but try to keep it pleasantly neutral. If you have difficulty keeping up eye contact, try imagining a triangle formed between your date’s two eyes and mouth. Shift your gaze to a different point on that triangle every five to ten seconds so you don’t feel like you’re staring but still appear interested in the other person. Don’t force a smile or laugh when it doesn’t feel genuine. A natural smile will result from funny or pleasant conversation from your date, or as a result of mimicking their own smile — if your date isn’t making you smile, perhaps they aren't right for you!

Get close to your date. Show your interest in being physically close to your date if both of you feel comfortable with it. You don’t need to make a big move but can simply sit or stand close to your date whenever possible. Try sitting on the same side of the table at a restaurant to be closer, or on an adjacent side so you can reach out and touch your date but still be able to make eye contact. Remember that people respond very differently to personal space and touch. Your date might love you reaching out to touch their hand and will smile or touch you back. Or they may pull away and express physically or verbally their discomfort with that. Respect your date’s wishes and feelings either way. Keep in mind, too, your own boundaries when it comes to physical contact. Before you go out, think about your comfort level with physical closeness and intimacy on a first date. Knowing this ahead of time can help you set boundaries with the person. If they get too touchy or swoops in for a kiss, you can say, "Hey, I really like you, but I like to take things a little bit slower," or, "I'm not quite ready for that."

Offer to pay or split the check. If you’re on a date with an activity that costs money, offer to split the check with your date. Or you can even pay for the whole thing yourself if you wish. Don’t assume that the other person will pay for you, and don’t offer to pay it all yourself if you don’t intend to. Avoid playing games and keep it equal and honest. You can say upfront at dinner, “This one’s on me,” if you’d like to offer to pay or, “Let’s split dinner, okay?” This will eliminate any awkwardness when the check comes. If your date insists on paying the whole check, don’t push it and accept gratefully, with a promise to get the next thing you’ll do together. You can say “Thanks, that’s really sweet of you. I’ll get the movie tickets for us!”

Making a Connection

State your preferences. Speak up and don’t be afraid to show you have an opinion about what you talk about with your date. Avoid letting your date decide everything or saying you’re interested in something you’re really not. For instance, if your date suggests a steakhouse for dinner and you’re a vegetarian, speak up and tell them so, and recommend a restaurant or type of cuisine you love instead. During a date, avoid the “I don’t care, what do you want?” answer when your date asks you what you’re going to eat or what you’d like to do or share. Give an honest answer of your preference.

Ask questions about common interests. Take the first date as an opportunity to learn a lot of new information about your date and what you have in common. Ask them questions about things you both like or something in their life you’d like to know more about. Try asking about school, work, hobbies, TV shows, books, movies, family, etc. Most people avoid discussing topics like politics, religion, and former girlfriends/boyfriends, but do whatever feels natural to you and what you’re interested in. You could ask, “Hey, I saw that you were wearing a Star Wars shirt the other day. What did you think of the newest movie?”, or, “So, you moved to the U.S. from Europe? Tell me more about what it was like to live there!” Asking questions also doesn’t have to feel like an interview or interrogation of your date’s life. You can simply ask about the music they have playing in the car, or another similar observation about your surroundings.

Tell stories. Allow the focus to be on you for a bit and tell any funny or interesting stories you have about a topic. This is an easy way to keep the conversation going, and get your date to tell you some stories, too. For example, if they ask you about your family, instead of simply saying you have a brother, you could say, “I have an older brother named Scott. He’s traveling in Peru right now! He’s always been really adventurous. One time, on our summer vacation, he did the craziest thing…” If you’re worried about dominating the conversation, keep stories short. Then prompt your date with, “Do you have any stories about your family? Tell me about them.” That will keep the conversation equal.

Suggest a second date. Subtly suggest another date at the end of the first one if all went well. Tell your date to call or text you, or offer a suggestion of what you can do together next. Try bringing up something that was talked about during the date, like an activity you both enjoy or something you’re interested to learn more about. For instance, you could say, “So when can I play that new video game you got?”, or, “I really want to check out that hiking trail you mentioned if you’ll show me sometime.” Say goodbye with another friendly hug. Don't feel pressured to kiss on the first date, unless you feel like you want to! EXPERT TIP Cher Gopman Cher Gopman Dating Coach Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post. Cher Gopman Cher Gopman Dating Coach To get an ideas for a second date, try to find common ground and ask the person things they like to do. So for example, if the person you're talking to you loves comedy shows, you can remember “Oh, okay, I remember she loves comedy shows, I'm going to ask her out to this great comedy show I heard was coming up.” It's just an excuse to start talking again and get that person out again in the future because you know they love comedy and would want to go to it, plus it shows that you care and you're listening.

Have an exit strategy if things don't go well. Unfortunately, things don't always go quite the way we planned, and a date can take a turn for the worst — things can begin to feel uncomfortable or your date may turn out to be rude or inappropriate. You may be tempted to try and "stick it out" for the sake of being polite, but you absolutely don't have to. If the date didn't go very well and your date suggests extending the evening by going out for drinks or dessert, you can simply say, "Dinner was delicious, but I'm not up for drinks [or ice cream, dancing, etc.] after..." If your date is being inappropriate and rude and making you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, call him out on it. You don't have to be mean. You can say, "That's really offensive," or, "I don't think that's funny; it's actually really rude and I want you to stop," or even just, "I'm feeling really uncomfortable right now." If they don't stop the behavior, cut the date short. Ask for the check or give him money for your share of the bill and get out of there. Call a cab, a friend, or a parent to pick you up if you need to. If the date was fine but you're just not feeling it, it's okay to say that, too. You can say, "I really like you, but I'm definitely getting more of a 'friend' vibe. Are you feeling that, too?" You have no obligation to spend any more time with your date than what feels comfortable. Don't worry that you're being rude or mean by ending a date prematurely. The most important thing is that you take care of yourself.