Keeping Your Emotions in Check
Avoid thinking of a one night stand as a way to get a relationship. Sometimes people have the mistaken idea that one night stands are a great way to find a relationship, but this is rarely the case. Instead, use a one night stand as a way to satisfy your need for sex, and as a way to have fun and enjoy yourself. Think about whether you want a relationship or you just want a bit of fun. If in reality, you want a relationship, then try looking for that instead. You might get lucky and have a one night stand that leads to more, but if you don’t, you’ll end up feeling confused and regretful.
Tell them you’re not looking for anything serious. It may feel a little awkward, but telling the other person up front that you don’t want a relationship with anyone at the moment will make sure you are both on the same page. This will also eliminate any awkwardness later. Keep it light and casual. Before you head home with your lover you can simply say, “I just want to be up front so that we’re both on the same page. I want to go home with you, but I don’t want this to go any further than tonight. Is that alright with you?” This can also help you avoid wishful thinking. If you have said this to the other person, and they have reciprocated that they also don’t want anything you won’t be left wondering if they wanted something more.
Remind yourself that it is just for fun. If you find yourself having feelings that you don’t want to have, try reminding yourself that you had a one night stand just because it was something fun that you wanted to do, not because you wanted to meet your next boyfriend or girlfriend. Try to be grateful that you met a nice person to have a fun experience with, and leave it at that.
Think about why you want to have a one night stand. Is it because you’re just in the mood for sex, or is there another, deeper reason? Maybe you’re feeling slightly insecure, and you think a one night stand will make you feel valuable. They key to a one night stand is having it clear in your head that it is just something you want to do for fun. If it’s because you want to feel needed or desired, you may end up feeling bad later on. If this is your reason, then it may be a good idea to skip the one night stand. Instead, do something that makes you feel good about yourself. Treat yourself to a facial or go to the gym. Getting validation from another person may feel nice for a minute, but the only person who can truly make you feel good about yourself is you.
Making it Easier for Yourself
Keep things light and superficial. When it comes to a one night stand, it’s best to keep things light and somewhat superficial to decrease the chances that you will fall in love. Avoid focusing too much on the person’s personality, values, interests, etc. Instead, try to find someone who you find physically attractive, but don’t worry too much about his or her personality. Try sticking to non-serious topics when you are talking with the person. Flirt, talk about the drinks, the music, the moment, or the events of the evening. Try to avoid getting into deep discussions, such as about the person’s values, passions, and other intimate topics. You might even try searching out someone who you have little in common with or who has a personality that you don’t really enjoy. Think of a time when you’ve thought to yourself that you found someone physically attractive, but had no interest in pursuing that person because you didn’t like their personality. This may be the type of person you can have a one night stand with and not have to worry about falling for them.
Don’t stay the night. If you end up at their place, leave once you’ve had your fun. Staying the night might create a false sense of intimacy because you’re sleeping and maybe even cuddling with the other person. When you leave, you don’t need to seem cold or uncaring. Just explain that you’ve got a big day tomorrow, and you don’t want to be rushed for time in the morning. Keep in mind that this doesn’t mean you have to get up and run for the door as soon as the fun is over. You can hang out for a bit if it feels comfortable to do so. Don’t, however, hang around for hours. If they are staying at your place it can be a bit more complicated. You could casually mention that you have a really early meeting to get to, and they may take the hint. If they don’t take the hint, be polite and let them stay if they want to.
Leave first thing in the morning. If you do end up staying the night, for whatever reason, don’t hang around in the morning. Minimizing the amount of time you have to get to know each other will keep you from developing feelings for them. Don’t be rude about it. If they ask you to stay for awhile, make up an excuse. Say that you have plans and you need to get going so you’re not late. Say, “Thank you for a nice time,” and leave. If you think you will end up staying the night (e.g. because it is already really late), then consider casually mentioning that you’ve got a lot going on the next day. Do this during the evening, that way the other person won’t be expecting you to hang around.
Don’t exchange contact information. If you want to avoid falling for a one night stand, the easiest thing you can do is resist the temptation to exchange contact information. Don’t give them your number, and don’t ask for theirs. You should also avoid looking them up on social media. If they look you up, deny their friend requests. It may sound harsh, but limiting contact will make it easy to avoid falling for them. If the other person gives you their number without asking, throw the paper away at the first chance. This will help you avoid seeming rude, but will also eliminate your ability to contact them. If they do send you a friend request and you don’t want to deny the request without any explanation, you can also just send them a quick message saying something like, “Thanks for the request! I had a great time with you, but I don’t really want to take things any further than that. I wish you all the best!”
Skip the one night stand. If you don’t think you’ll be able to avoid developing feelings for the other person, and you don’t want to deal with the aftermath of those feelings, consider skipping the experience altogether. This is not to say there is something wrong with having one, but if it leaves you feeling sad then maybe it isn’t worth it.
Getting Over Your One Night Stand
Don’t friend them on social media. If you haven’t already looked them up on social media then resist the temptation to do so. If you have already done so, then delete them. Having access to their social media will only make you miserable. Similarly, if you have any other contact information of theirs, delete it. This will make it impossible to contact them to see if there is any interest from their side.
Don’t hook up with them again. If you choose not to get rid of their contact information, or if they contact you for another hookup, say no! It may seem like a good idea at the time, but it will only drag you further down the rabbit hole. Be aware that you will probably try to rationalize with yourself about why it is a good idea to hook up again. For example, if they call you up and ask you to come over, you might say to yourself, “Well, hooking up with them again might help me get it out of my system” or “Hooking up again will remind me that I didn’t think they were that great anyway.” It is very unlikely that either of those things will end up being true.
Remind yourself that it was just for fun. Use your one night stand as a learning experience. Perhaps from your one night stand, you have learned that it isn’t so easy for you to have casual sex without letting feelings get involved. Now you know that it isn’t something you take lightly, and that is OK too. Try to think of it as a learning experience. For example, you had a fun time with an attractive person, or you got to experiment sexually. You have to deal with the repercussions of that night, but that doesn’t mean it has to become a bad memory.
Think about the mismatched aspects of that person. When you have feelings for someone, especially early on, it is easy to dismiss the aspects of that person that don’t mesh well with who you are. Since your goal is to get over that person, try to focus on the differences in your personalities, lifestyles, interests, etc. Hopefully, this will help you realize that a relationship would not work out. For example, maybe that person was a really bad fit in terms of personality, lifestyle, or in other areas, such as being a really shy person while you are someone who likes to get out and socialize. Try to be as honest with yourself as possible when you think about the ways that you and this person are mismatched.
Look for a more meaningful relationship. Many people recommend giving yourself time to heal after a breakup, but in this case, you didn’t break up with someone so there is no reason why you can’t look for a more emotionally committed relationship. This will help you realize that the one night stand was great, but it doesn’t necessarily equal love. You can try online dating if you aren’t sure how to meet other people looking for relationships. Ask friends if they know of anyone they could set you up. Try doing something that you enjoy, which also gives you an opportunity to meet other people. For example, volunteer for a cause you care about. If you are religious, become a member of a church. This will help you find people that you share values with.
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