How to Die Before You Die (Egoic Death)

Detection of the Egoic entity

Detect the voice in the head and emotions that live in you. In order to die, spiritually speaking, first you need to detect that there’s a compulsive voice in your head and emotions that accompany it. If you’re reading this, you probably already have. Realize that this impersonal Voice speaks through you, comments, non-verbally and verbally reacts, resists, likes or dislikes, generate pointless and negative thinking and so on. Recognition of this “voice” and the accompanied emotions is the beginning of egoic death.

Experiment by not following the voice or egoic mind. See it as an experiment and notice the peace within and quality of your actions and words, when you 'don’t follow' or negate the mind as compared to when you do. However, 'don’t follow' or negate it in a non-reactive, accepting and non-judgmental way, so awareness is required. Or else, mind will likely “try” to ‘not follow’ the “voice” in a reactive way and make concepts about 'how not to follow it'. That is to say, one part of mind will try to 'not follow' the other part of the mind. Which means, the same voice will come through the back door. In this context, mind also implies non-verbal reactions, mental-emotional blockages or walls (more on this later), impulses, negative emotions, conditioned urges etc. The more you become aware of your compulsive and conditioned thoughts and emotions and not follow or believe them, they begin to become less noisy, lose energy and slow down. It’s because your identification or following them is what gives them energy. As this implied disidentification becomes a natural practice, you will realize how negating the egoic mind and its concepts makes way for true intelligence and brings about a transmutation of the accumulation of past and blockages in you, into unshakeable peace and joy. This is also mentioned in Tao Te Ching in a cryptic way, “Throw away holiness and wisdom (mental concepts, in this context) and people will be a hundred times happier. Throw away morality and justice and people will do the right thing”.

Negate or disidentify with the non-verbal mental-emotional resistance and blockages. Negating or disidentifying with the voice in head also implies negating the non-verbal mental-emotional resistance, pain and blockages, which are its aspects. Look within now; can you feel a wall of resistance or dense accumulation of time (past and future) in the brain, heart, face, forehead, chest, jaw etc? Can you feel or become aware of the unconscious automatic resistance or unease “trying” to dissolve the wall? That’s egoic energy that wants to survive and not feel the pain. Deeply realize that it can’t dissolve it by fighting and in fact fighting makes the pain stronger. The root of this fighting is a spiritual one. Consciousness that you are, wants to be free of dense psychological time in psyche. Yield to it. Accept that it’s there. Realize that it is not you but an impersonal condition that most humans have. Feel the inner space of head and body. The inner-space is the outlet for the blocked energy that wants to flow up . The more you feel it and negate the mind, the weaker the wall will become. In other words, chakras will open more, if you want to see it that way.

See where the 'voice in the head' is coming from. More you go deeper into this practice of negating the mind, awareness deepens, and it eventually exposes the core location of the involuntary activity of voice in head i.e behind the left side of face and forehead. Also, notice the difference between the energy behind the left and right side of your face and head. It’s almost like an entity fitted in the left side of your brain and behind the left cheek and forehead, backed up by the accumulation of dense past in your mind. Ready to make concepts, react negatively, absorb consciousness or attention to generate egoic thoughts, hypnotize you to do and say things with its unsolicited subtle or not so subtle thinking, constantly trying to be in control, personalizing events and people, generating often unhappy thoughts and pretending to be you. Again, don’t make it into an enemy or obstacle. Instead become friendly and/or accepting towards the inflamed entities (Egoic mind and pain-body). Make it a practice to smile and even laugh, when you see the voice in the head. If you are into visualization practices then imagine a funny and “never content” character, “little me” or something like that, living in the left side of your head and chest, displaying its tantrums, being needy, chattering constantly, labeling, liking and disliking, complaining, negatively commenting about everything and so on. This may also help you smile when you see the same impersonal voice or character operating in other people. Which is why it is said that primary reality is within. Yes the influx of presence may make it easier to become friendly towards it to an extent, but the degree of presence may not be the same all the time so moment to moment negation and vigilance are required.

Mind and suffering are synonymous

Deeply realize that the more identified with the mind you are, the more you suffer and dull you become. Since the mind in its disconnected state is dysfunctional, as most of its activities are around self-serving involuntary negative thinking, maintain or deepen the illusion of separation, feeling afraid, seeking conflict and drama, judgements etc. because it sees itself as an isolated fragment. So the more you believe that the mind is you, the more you suffer. It’s because you’re identified with the unhappy self.

Step out or retreat from your mind. This means shifting the attention, which is trapped in Egoic thinking to the inner space or chakras. You are guiding the attention to the back or top of the head or wherever it feels natural and easy. As a precise practice, you simply latch onto any openings or cracks in the egoic shell, letting the dimension of stillness to shine through. It may be easier for some people to feel the inner-space of the body and/or head, if becoming aware of awareness is not easy, as distance from the source of awareness to the back of the head is shorter. Of course, feel the entire body at the same time, if you can. Then notice how thought activity naturally lessens. This practice will become more natural when you truly realize how painful it is when attention is trapped in Egoic mind activity. You let the “life” take over and watch how beautifully it runs your life and unfolds synchronous events without any effort, while you watch this as a witness. In a way that’s also what retreat means because you are retreating from your noisy mind. You may have to make this retreat or shift again and again and again until the ‘’life’’ at the wheel or surrendered state becomes the predominant state. The act of retreating will become easier as you realize deeply how much suffering you go through when ego is at the wheel and how smoothly things flow and how peaceful and joyous it is when you let life take over.

Keep the Egoic mind or entity drained of attention. The moment you are not alert, the mind takes over. In other words, it will absorb attention to generate mostly pointless and negative thoughts and emotions. Which is why spiritual teachers and zen masters often have a fierce and gentle look on their face. What they are doing is keeping the egoic mind drained by replacing incessant chatter of the mind with chanting and/or continuously focusing and keeping their attention on the 'third eye' (and other chakras, if you'd like to see it that way) and inner-body, to stay in touch with the source of awareness or negate the mind. This also implies staying present or negating the mind. Experiment to see what happens when you chant and/or keep your attention on the third eye and/or inner body and/or breath. See if mental-emotional activity lessens or not.

Experience what the Sages meant

See what the sages truly meant. When you consciously negate the mind, desires and fears lessen naturally, and you realize what the sages meant when they said “death is the ending of desires and fears”. Since it’s the mind which has desires and fears and not You, so negating the mind is also the death of desires and fears. Along with this shift comes the peace and joy of being conscious. Indian sages called it sachidananda. Infinitely more meaningful than any achievement, happiness or pleasure this world has to offer. The world around you becomes alive and vibrant because ultimately everything is alive and came through one consciousness. “Synchronous and favorable events happen more frequently. Things and people you thought you needed for your happiness now come to you without any effort on your part and you are free to enjoy them while they last” - Eckhart Tolle.

Realize that negation of egoic mind is true success. When you go deeper into the practice of not following the mind, then the mental reaction won’t completely take over you, especially when some big challenge arises. There would be a sense of disidentification with it, even if it is slight. This means you will not be completely taken over by the mental-emotional reaction, which is always the unintelligent way of dealing with a situation and challenge. Part of your attention remains in its unidentified or formless state. That’s the state of true intelligence or no-mind, where lies your true power. The more you disidentify with the mind, the less and less your actions and words will come from the will-power and reaction, which are aspects of mind. Something much more intelligent takes over; the ‘’life’’ itself. Tao Te Ching pointed to the same truth, “Less and less you try to force things until finally you arrive at non-action. When nothing is done and nothing is left undone.”

Let the Stillness shine through

Let the dimension of stillness shine through. Negating or disidentifying from the egoic voice naturally makes way for the dimension of spacious stillness to shine through. The vibrantly alive and healing invisible light shining through the core of your being. Infinitely more loving, fulfilling, meaningful and peaceful than anything this world has to offer. You realize the insignificance and ultimate dissatisfaction of chasing transient things, experiences and pleasures of the world. Like Michael Singer said “You are on a tiny speck of dust in the infinite space”. At the same time you honor and enjoy them, while they last. Since everyone has their own journey, came into this world with different karma and are attached to the world at different levels, so everyone may not realize this truth at the same pace in their spiritual journey. Some people may need more suffering, while some people won’t as they may embrace the shift from thinking to consciousness, voluntarily. Some people may need a mix of challenges and realization to stay on spiritual path, while some may need vast upheavals. Since the Universe is infinitely intelligent, it sends tailored situations, people, conditions and challenges to help you become more conscious. “Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.” Eckhart Tolle. Although it’s possible that the dimension of stillness may get obscured again and again by the mind because of its momentum and deep-seated grip on humanity for thousands of years. And you may identify with the thoughts, concepts and reactions that may say “This pain has no end”, “The mind is relentless”, “Ego’s going to take me over”, “It’s so hard to stay present”, “I am not these thoughts.”, “Feeling is not deep enough.” etc. In other words, you are making the Now into an enemy or obstacle, or "trying" to negate it and feel the stillness. However, deeply realize that these thoughts imply that you are identified with mind and are trying to solve the problems of mind at the level of limited mind and following it, which will eventually become suffering. As only in the Now, which is outside of psychological time, can you access the deathless dimension, which is going to liberate you from pain and bring transcendence.

Trace the river back to its source. Scan your body from head to toes to look for openings of dimension of stillness, wherever it feels natural. For example: Feel the inner energy field of hands. Feel the life in them. Go deeper into the feeling and feel it becoming more spacious. You are tracing the life energy back to its source; ocean of pure stillness. As you go into it, notice that mind automatically becomes less noisy and distant. It’s because attention naturally withdraws from its identification with dense egoic structures in your head and body and becomes aware of its source; the infinite emptiness. Body and head become lighter and alive. That’s the deathless state and the more you live in that state, you realize that there is no death, just conditioned concepts, desires, fears, stories, Egoic structures and physical body die. The “Never content” mind or “little me” may try to pull you back into reaction and resistance mode. It may say something like “It’s not deep enough”, “this is not familiar”, "Give me something interesting to think", “You are going to lose everything”, “There’s still resistance.” etc. Smile at the entity and politely refuse to follow it "Sorry Madam/Sir, you are not me" and feel the inner-space. Deeply realize it, otherwise it will become another concept. As you go deeper into the dimension of stillness, you become one with it and anything which is not you, dissolves. Like Tao Te Ching said “Stay at the center of the circle and let everything fall into place”.

Go deeper than into the deathless dimension. As the vibrantly alive spacious stillness deepens in you, the pull towards the external pleasures and experiences, which is mind created, becomes less and less. You naturally develop more faith in the power of spaciousness awareness. You feel the same alive and vibrant stillness emanating from other people, beings and things all around; which is what love is. Thoughts become less noisy and gap between thoughts becomes longer. Mind may occasionally generate negative thoughts and emotions, but the more you practice being alert and not following and not believing the mind in a non-reactive and friendly way, it loses energy and transforms into presence. This is the process of egoic death and the end of suffering.

Access source of awareness. Since the dense accumulation of time or Egoic mind is also around the 'third eye', the source of awareness. Notice that this accumulation of time makes it difficult to access the source of awareness, or it seems to, because you are identified with it. When the grace of presence comes intensely it may dissolve the accumulation of time in brain, thus giving you a glimpse of an enlightened state. J Krishnamurty pointed to the same truth when he said “We learn that truth comes uninvited, "with glory," when one puts all in order, and "in that there is great sacredness.”. But again, presence may not be intense all the time, so moment to moment spiritual work is needed. So you need to practice monitoring your inner state or any other present moment practice that resonates with you. The more you “try” to monitor your mental-emotional state, access the source of awareness and trace the opening to the formless dimension, you will notice that brain and/or face and/or heart muscles become tense, as if trying to suppress or control or clear the mental, resistance patterns and external events or feel the awareness. This is a clear sign that your nonreactive and friendly negating and monitoring has become a mental concept and ego has seeped through. So be very alert. As mentioned before, notice the mental-emotional-physical reactions, however subtle or intense, arise in your face, head and/or chest. Which is why it is said that being present is a subtle art. Here's the miracle: When you truly realize that the dense accumulation of psychological time(resistance) in you is not You and retreat from it, it dissolves almost instantaneously. You may not realize it until one of the Chakras or vortex of energy open in you. If this article has resonated, even a little, it already has. "When you recognize illusion as illusion, it dissolves" Eckhart Tolle.

Guide the energy flow upward. Feel within that energy or shakti within wants to flow upward from all the vortexes of energy or chakras to the vortex in the top of the head or crown chakra. But because of the automatic and unconscious resistance it gets blocked and you feel pain. You may "try" to clear the path for the energy to flow fluidly. That trying actually blocks it even more because trying is a mental thing. You may even feel the blockage in your head and chest, as there is a physical component to it. For example: tenseness in brain and chest. As a more precise pointer, find the least resistive path to guide the energy upward. This is why it was hinted to feel the energy in the top of your head or inner-space and trace it to its source. Again, it’s a subtle art.