How to Die Peacefully

Staying Comfortable

Live out your final days where you’re most comfortable, if possible. If you have the option, spend your last days at home, with family, or in a facility where you’re comfortable. Talk to your medical team or your family about your options. Then, choose what’s best for you. If you’re in a hospital, ask your family and friends to bring items that comfort you, like photos, blankets, and pillows from home.

Do the things you enjoy as often as you can. Spend your time doing what you want. When you have energy, use it to do something fun. If you’re too tired, watch your favorite shows or read a book. For instance, you might play a board game with your sister when you feel energetic. Similarly, you might walk your dog.

Listen to music to boost your mood. Music can raise your spirits and may even help you feel less pain. Choose the music that you like best or that reminds you of good times. Then, play music as often as possible to help you feel better. Consider getting a speech-activated device that will play the music you want on command. If you’re not sure how to do this, ask a family member or friend to help you set one up.

Rest often because you’ll likely tire easily. You probably get fatigued quickly, which is normal. Don’t try to push yourself to do more than you can right now. Give yourself plenty of time to rest so that you can enjoy the time you have. For instance, it’s okay to spend the majority of your day in either a recliner or your bed.

Keep extra blankets near you in case you feel cold. You might have trouble adjusting to the temperature. When this happens, it’s helpful to have extra blankets that you can throw on or take off as needed. Make sure you always have blankets nearby in case you feel cold. Don’t use a heated blanket because it might get too hot or could burn you. If you have a caregiver, ask them to help you stay comfortable.

Get help with your household chores so you don’t overexert yourself. Try not to worry about chores like cooking or cleaning. Instead, ask your caregiver, friends, or family to help you with things. It’s best to spread out tasks to several people so that everything gets done. It’s okay if some tasks are left undone. Right now, your comfort and rest are most important, so don’t worry.

Easing Pain or Discomfort

Talk to your doctor about palliative care to manage your pain. You might already be getting palliative care, which is great! Palliative care helps manage your pain and other symptoms of your condition at every stage of treatment. If you aren’t already getting palliative care, ask your doctor to refer you for it. You’ll work with a doctor, nurses, and other healthcare providers to ease your pain and cope with other symptoms.

Prepare an advance health care directive so your wishes are followed. Your advance health care directive is a written document that explains what type of end-of-life care you prefer. Include what treatments you want, whether or not you want life-saving measures taken, and what you want to happen if you become incapacitated. Give copies of your advance health care directive to your doctor, care team, and family members. Ask someone you trust to help you type up your advance health care directive. Then, they can help you get it notarized and, if necessary, reviewed by a lawyer.

Ask your doctor to prescribe painkillers to help you be comfortable. You’ll likely need prescription pain medication to ease your discomfort, so talk to your doctor. Then, follow their instructions for taking your medication. Generally, they’ll direct you to take your medication at the same times each day to keep your pain in check. You’ll likely need to take your pain medication before your pain gets bad again. It’s easier to prevent pain than it is to make it go away. If your pain reliever stops working, talk to your doctor. They may provide you with something stronger, such as morphine. When you’re managing end-of-life pain, you don’t need to worry about getting addicted to painkillers. It’s okay to take them as often as you doctor says is safe.

Change positions often so you won’t get bed sores. You probably need to rest a lot right now, so lie down as often as necessary. To prevent bed sores, switch positions every 30 minutes to an hour. Additionally, use pillows and cushions to prop you up so you’re comfortable. Ask for help if you have trouble shifting. It’s normal to feel weak, and your caregiver, friends, and family will all be happy to help you.

Ease breathing issues by sitting up and using a fan or humidifier. You may have trouble breathing, which can feel really uncomfortable. You might be able to breathe easier if you raise your upper body using a wedge or an adjustable bed. Additionally, open a window or use a fan to circulate the air. As another option, turn on a humidifier to make the air moist, which soothes your airways. The medical term for this is dyspnea. Your doctor might offer you pain relievers or oxygen to help you feel less discomfort if you're having trouble breathing.

Ask for medication to control nausea or constipation if you need it. You might experience stomach issues like nausea or constipation, which is common. If this happens, don’t feel pressured to eat unless you want to do so. Additionally, talk to your doctor about medications to help you feel better. Take your medication as directed. Your doctor might also give you advice to help you avoid nausea and constipation.

Apply alcohol-free body lotion to prevent dry, irritated skin. Your skin can get really dry, which might become painful. In some cases, your skin might even crack. Fortunately, you can prevent this by using an alcohol-free body lotion at least once a day. Use your hand to apply it yourself or ask for help. Re-apply your lotion when your skin feels dry. For instance, you might need to put lotion on your hands after you wash them.

Spending Time with Friends and Family

Invite your friends and family to visit as often as they can. Being with your family and friends can improve your mood. However, they might not visit as often as you'd like because they're not sure what you want. Call, text, or message people to tell them you want visitors. Specify the best times to visit and ask them to come. Say, “I really want to see my family right now. Please visit me around dinner time so we can talk. Which days this week are you available?” It’s okay if you want time alone to rest or think. Tell people you want space and ask them to leave you alone for awhile.

Tell the people you care about how you feel. Sharing your feelings will help you feel more at peace. Additionally, it gives your family and friends great memories to cherish. Make a list of the people you want to talk to before you go. Then, start checking them off. For instance, tell family and friends how much you love them. Say, “Thank you,” to people you need to thank. Forgive people who hurt you in the past. Apologize for mistakes you made.

Identify the relationships and experiences that gave your life meaning. Think about your life and your best memories. Talk to your friends and relatives about your experiences and what they meant to you. If you can, look at photos to help you remember what was important to you in life. This will help you realize how full and meaningful your life truly was, which can help you be at peace.

Check items off your bucket list if you can. Identify activities or experiences that you can still enjoy in your final days. Then, reach out to friends and family to make these things happen. Don’t stress about checking items off. Just enjoy the time you have by doing the things that are possible. For example, drive to the Grand Canyon, watch the sunset on the West Coast, or go on a cruise.

Coping with Emotional Pain

Talk to someone you trust about how you feel if you’re upset. You probably have some fears or concerns that are bothering you, which is normal. Open up to a friend or family member about how you feel. Then, get their advice or ask them to just comfort you. You might say, “I’m worried about who will care for my dogs after I pass? Do you have any advice?” or “I’m afraid that I’ll have to go back to the hospital. Is it okay if I just vent a little?”

Work with a counselor or therapist if you’re struggling with acceptance. You might have trouble accepting your medical diagnosis or the idea of dying. This is totally okay, and a counselor can help. Look for a therapist who’s experienced with end-of-life issues or ask your doctor for a referral. If you’re getting palliative care, you might already have a therapist on your team. Talk to them if you need counseling. Your therapy appointments might be covered by insurance, so check your benefits. You might feel like there’s no point in starting therapy right now, but your feelings are very important. Talking to a therapist could help make your last days more peaceful, so it’s work reaching out.

Ask your spiritual leader to visit you at least once a week. It’s normal to question your faith or worry about the afterlife. Reach out to your spiritual or religious community to talk about the big questions and make peace with your faith. A spiritual leader can provide answers, fellowship, and comfort. Consider inviting more than 1 spiritual leader to visit you so you can see them more often. If you’re estranged from your faith, ask about making amends and getting right according to your beliefs. Invite members of your spiritual community to come talk to you about your faith or to pray with you.

Don't end your life prematurely. You might be in a lot of pain right now, but suicide isn’t a solution. You may not be able to see your other options in this moment, but there is hope. Talk to someone you trust, check into a hospital, or call a suicide hotline for help. If you're thinking about suicide and need immediate help, please contact a suicide prevention hotline such as the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 if you're in the United States or Canada. If you're in a different country, please call your nation's suicide prevention hotline. Things will get better!