Thinking About Why She is Asking
Pay attention to her tone of voice and body language. Consider why she is asking. If you have an idea about how she feels, it will help you have a more productive conversation with her. We communicate mainly through our tone of voice and body language, so try to understand what is going on using these signals. If she is raising her eyebrows, she might be uncomfortable. This might mean that she does not want you to like her. If she is mirroring your body language, then you are probably connecting. Perhaps she hopes that you like her back or she feels connected to you and wants you to know that she doesn’t want the same thing. If she is making lots of eye contact, this shows interest. But it could go both ways, she could be interested in knowing how you feel because you are close and she doesn’t want to hurt you, or because she likes you. A group of gestures together shows that she feels connected to you. For example, if she is smiling, she has her head titled to the side, and she is holding or touching her face at the same time, this could mean that she does like you. However, always believe what she says over any of the signals you get. Crossed legs and arms may mean that she is trying to stay closed off to you. This might mean that she is anxious or resistant to your feelings.
Do not assume too much. Once you have considered how she feels and evaluated her body language, you do not have to over think her feelings for you. The truth is that you do not know for sure how she feels. And you will not know until you have asked her straight out how she feels. And believe what she says over the other signals you feel like you may be getting. Do not feel bad about what you think she feels or thinks. This is not going to help you stay confident, and it is also probably not accurate.
Think about whether she is already seeing someone. This will help you to know how to talk to her. If she has a crush on someone else or is with someone else, you will want to approach this conversation differently. You would know because you may have heard other people talk about it, or she may talk about it herself. If you do know she is with someone else, acknowledge it at the start of the conversation. You will need to say that you do not want to step on her relationship. Stay a little more reserved or distant in your conversation, while still remaining honest. You can ask her, do you want me to tell you about my feelings? Sometimes when a person asks a question they are not interested in hearing a sincere answer. For example, in this instance she may be trying to point out that you are acting like you like her. Being honest and straightforward in your question “do you want me to be honest?” will be the best way to deal with this possibility. Stay further away from her physically and emotionally if she is with someone. Getting close to her or being very open and honest might make her feel uncomfortable. You will want to keep your distance.
Think about whether she can date. Do you know whether she is allowed to date? Some people may be interested in dating but have parents who are strict about dating rules. If you know that she isn’t allowed to date, you may want to acknowledge this fact in the conversation. Try to make her feel comfortable if she seems worried about her parents. Tell her that you do not want to step on her relationship with her parents. In this case you may not need to tell her that you have a crush on her. You can simply acknowledge that she is not allowed to date. Keep your distance physically to help her feel comfortable.
Responding Honestly
Ask her if you two can talk somewhere. If you feel like she genuinely wants to know how you feel, you may want to have this conversation somewhere quiet. Think about going to a place where you can talk uninterrupted. You want to have this conversation in a space where you are comfortable to talk about how you feel openly. This can be a great opportunity to show her how cool you are regardless of why she is asking. If you can tell her how you feel and remain cool, calm, and collected, she will respect you all the more. Going on a walk can be a good option for a conversation like this. Walking can take away some of the awkwardness involved in the conversation. Walking is great because you are moving, not sitting and looking at each other. Going to a restaurant or coffee shop can also work if it is not busy. If you can find a secluded table to sit at or a table outside, this can be ideal. Go to a park. Sit on the swings or find a bench where the two of you can talk.
Ask her where she would be comfortable having the conversation. In order to show her that you respect her space and boundaries, ask her to decide where you should go. If she does not have a preference, then you can suggest places to go.
Look her in the eye and say “Yes, I do have a crush on you.” Once you have had a minute and you are situated you can own how you feel, and be confident. Be careful not to try to force her to feel the same way. Say that you like her in a way that is free of further implication. Free of implication means that you are not communicating a different message through your body language or tone. For example, do not look very intently at her in a way that asks her to like you back. Or do not lean forward into her space unless you know that she likes you. You could ask her how she feels before you say anything. However, it is more attractive and confident if you own how you feel and speak first.
Ask her how she feels. She has asked you about your crush on her, and you can absolutely ask why she wants to know. Simply ask “why are you asking?” Do not assume that you know why she is asking. Once again, keep your tone and body language free of implication. Do not suggest that you know why she is asking with a flirty or accusing tone. Focus fully on what she is saying. Show interest, nod, smile and communicate that you understand through your body language and noises. Try not to interrupt her. Let her speak her piece. You can ask for clarification later. Give her feedback about what she said. You can say "so what I hear you say is ...". This will let her know that you really listened and that you want to understand her. Do not be judgmental about what she is saying. This is how she feels and although it may involve you, do not take her feelings personally. Read on to the next method for more on not taking it personally.
Respond with honesty and kindness. If she likes you back, you can tell her “I’m so excited that you like me too!” If she does not like you back, you can tell her honestly “I’m sad that you do not like me, but I appreciate that you told me.” You can also thank her for being brave enough to bring up the conversation. If she does not like you, do not make her feel bad for not liking you. Even if you honestly feel like she should like you, it is not your place to tell her that or make her feel that way.
Talk about what you should do about your feelings. If she doesn’t feel the same way, you might want to ask her if she still wants to be friends. If you do not feel like you two can be friends, ask if you can have space. If she does like you, ask her whether she would like to start dating. Try not to assume what will happen between you two if she says she has a crush on you, too. Instead, communicate with her how she feels about dating. If you want to start dating, ask her about what dating means to her and explain what dating means to you. You want to make sure that you are talking about the same thing. You may also want to discuss relationship expectations you have and ask her about her's. This may be a full conversation in itself, and one you come back to periodically.
Follow up with her about the conversation later. Because it can be an awkward conversation, you may want to avoid talking about it. However, embrace the awkwardness and be confident. If you are still friends but she does not like you, you can simply tell her “thanks for having that conversation with me; I appreciated it.” You can also follow up over text message, but keep it brief. Do not try to change her mind, instead, acknowledge the conversation and then move on.
Moving On If She is Uninterested
Do not take it personally. Whether someone likes you or not says nothing about you as a person. You are still awesome for all of the same reasons. Do not let her romantic feelings change the way you feel about yourself. If she is not interested and does not have mutual feelings, don't pursue her. Think about it from her perspective. The more you understand her, the easier it will be to realize that it is not about you. Avoid jumping to conclusions. You don’t know why she doesn’t like you. Be careful not to assume that it is because of something particular about you. Make some space between you and your immediate reaction. Try to suppress any initial panicked emotions. Realize that your feelings will subside and wait for them to do so before you speak or do anything.
Work on liking yourself. Liking yourself is more important than other people liking you. When you truly like yourself, it has an awesome effect- other people want to be around you more. Speak to yourself as a friend. You should offer yourself the same compassion, love and support you would to a friend who is going through a hard time. Imagine yourself confident and free. In your mind visualize what you would look like if you were perfectly confident and happy. What would you look like? Strive for being that person. Think about that person when you are in doubt about yourself.
Feel good about being honest. It is hard to be open and honest with someone you like. If she does not also have a crush on you too, at least now you know. You are in a better position because you don’t have to spend more time wondering about her. Being open and honest is a good habit to get into. With the next girl you like, you will be better able to interact with her because you had this experience.
Take time to get over her. If you feel like you are not ready to start dating other people, work on yourself. Do not worry about liking someone again until you feeling better. Go out with your friends. Spend time with good friends who make you feel good about yourself. These people will remind you of your interests and the other things that you love. Distance yourself from her. If you are having a hard time with your emotions, tell her that you’d like some time and space from your relationship. Having her out of your life for the time being will help you focus on you.
Start talking to new people. If you are feeling like you are ready to move on, pursue girls you are interested in. Hang out with groups of people that have new girls. Ask your friends about any get together coming up and attend them. When you meet a girl you like, ask her for her number. You can be direct and say “I really liked talking to you- can I have your number so we can keep talking?” Go on online dating websites. There are a few free websites that you can join and meet people to date. Lots of people use these applications to find people who share their interests and personality type.
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