How to Tell a Girl You Like Her over Text

Establishing a Connection

Get to know your crush a bit. Your crush may be the prettiest person in the woodwind section, but if you don’t know anything about her, how can you know if she’s someone you’d want to date? Try to notice the important things about her: if she treats her friends well; if she’s nice to little kids and less popular people; if she’s passionate about something cool. Make sure you like both her personality and her face before trying to date her. If she's funny, notice what kind of jokes she makes. A nice person doesn't hurt other people's feelings to get laughs. If she's smart, see if she helps others, too. If she walks the person sitting next to her through a math problem, it's a sign that she's kind, too.

Hang out in person. If you go to school together, or have friends in common, figure out a way to talk to your crush a bit in a low-pressure situation. For example, you and your lab partner could collaborate with her and her lab partner or a project. If you want to see her outside of school, maybe she and her friends can come out with you and your friends. Say "Ellen and Tyree and I are going bowling after school--want to come with us? You can bring other people, too." If you don’t have any mutual friends, start by talking to her, but skip the pick-up lines. Just smile, greet her by name, and ask about something you both have in common. Group hangs are fun, but they aren’t the same as dates. Remember that you aren’t on a date unless both people know it’s a date.

Figure out if she likes you. Girls aren’t a different species, and they don’t need to be decoded. You won’t be able to know if she likes you just because she plays with her hair or touches your shoulder a certain amount of times. What you can tell is if she enjoys spending time with you. If her face lights up when she sees you, or if you have a great time swapping jokes whenever you hang out, you’re probably on the right track. If a girl touches your arm or shoulder a lot, it’s a sign that she feels comfortable around you, which is a good sign. If she initiates plans with you, such as asking to be conversation partners in Spanish class, that means she enjoys your company. If conversation flows naturally when you’re together, you probably have both mutual interests and compatible communication styles. That’s also good news.

Get your crush’s number. Once you’re friendly, and if you’re still interested in your crush, take the next step and get her phone number. If you both hang out and talk already, this won’t be a outrageous request, so stay calm. When you ask, say something simple and matter of fact, like “Can we trade numbers? I want to be the first to hear your opinions on the new Marvel movie.” If you’re working on a project together, this’ll be even more natural. Say “We'll probably need to meet over the weekend to lay out the newspaper together. Can I text you?” You can also make this part of planning a group hang. Say “I’m stoked for the concert with you, Brian, and Jessica. Can I have your number so we can make sure we meet in the same place?”

Ramping Up Your Texting

Start with a brief greeting. When you’ve started texting your crush, it’s best to begin in a friendly, open-ended way. A salutation and question initiates conversation, and allows you to gauge whether she’s busy or preoccupied. For example, send a text that says “Hi, what are you up to?” or “Hello, how are you today?” Don’t just say “hi” or “hey.” It sounds lazy, and she might not know what to say in response. Use follow-up questions to show your interest. Ask her to tell you more about her quirky dance teacher, her semifinal softball game, or what it’s like to babysit her little brother.

Text with good spelling and grammar. Texting etiquette is complicated. For instance, everyone knows that ending every text with a period makes you sound angry. You don’t need to write an English paper, but do your best to check your spelling and not put commas where they don’t belong. This will show her that you like her enough to put thought into your writing. "Hi, what's up? Is the math homework destroying you as badly as it's destroying me?" looks a lot better than "hi whats ^ is the math hmwrk killing u 2."

Text in the evening. Most people are more relaxed in the evening, following a busy day at school or work. You’ll have more time to respond to each other’s thoughts this way. Plus, communicating with her at night can feel more romantic than telling her you like her in broad daylight. Make sure not to text after bedtime, which can feel invasive. Wind down the texts after 10 PM or so.

Text when you know she won’t be busy. You want to be able to give your full attention to the conversation, and you want her to be able to give you attention too. This means that it's best not to text her when she's told you about other plans. If she’s told you that she’s going out with friends, for instance, give her a little space. You can always text her tomorrow and ask how her girl's-night-out went. It works the other way, too--don’t text her right before a movie if you know you’ll be distracted.

Steer the conversation in a positive direction. The more upbeat and positive the conversation, the more receptive a girl will be when you tell her you like her. Try to stay away from negative topics that can ruin the mood, such as problems at school or work, or controversial subjects that can upset her and turn conversation sour. Talk about pop culture you have in common. If you’re both giant Potterheads, ask how she feels about the new movie trailer. Joke about something in your daily life you both share. If the school lunch was an inedible casserole, ask if she’s having nightmares about it too.

Revisit topics you’ve discussed before. This shows you’re a good listener and that you care, and that you pay attention to everything she shares with you. For example, if she once mentioned that she likes bowling, ask about her highest score or favorite alley.

Give a sincere compliment. This is often more effective than telling a girl you like her, because it shows you understand her and recognize her best qualities. For example, if you like her knowledge of comics, tell her that you learn something new about the X-Men every time you talk to her. Avoid complimenting your crush’s physical characteristics, like her body or eyes, at this stage. It can come off as creepy. If your crush has recently rocked a performance or other big event, congratulate her on her skills.

Don’t over-text. Texting is fun, but too much of it can become really intense. If you’re texting your crush for several hours a day, it might be time to dial it back a bit. This is especially true if you seem to be putting more effort into your texts than she is. If you text your crush twice and she doesn’t respond, back off for a while. If she’s into you, she’ll text you again when she’s ready. Don’t go too far in the other direction and never text her back. You may be trying to play it cool, but if she feels ignored, she’ll feel bad.

Asking Her Out

Plan what you want to say. You don’t need to write yourself a perfect script, but take a little time and figure out when and how to tell your crush that you’re into her. If you think ahead a little bit, you’re less likely to fumble and forget yourself, or blurt out something too intense (“I’ve had a crush on you for seven years!”). Consider that it’s often better to ask someone on a clearly-defined date. This way, you’re telling her that you like her and giving her an opportunity for an action plan.

Know how you’ll deal if you’re rejected. Rejection happens to everyone, and it’s not the end of the world. It’s easiest to say something like “Thank you for telling me! I enjoy hanging out with you as friends, so no worries,” take a bit of space, then return to the friendship after a couple weeks.

Tell her you enjoy spending time together. This is a confident, indirect way to tell a girl you like her without actually saying you like her. Send this text after hanging out together, or even after an official date. For example, you could say something like “I had fun with you tonight and enjoyed your company! Can’t wait to do it again.”

Tell her that you like her. Be simple and direct. This shows that you’re confident and feel strongly enough about your feelings that you’re willing to admit it word for word. Make your statement more personal by sharing what you like most about her. For example, say “I’m into you because you're so passionate about social justice,” or “I like you because you're sunny enough to brighten anyone's day.” Just like with compliments, mention something specific about her personality that you like. For example, tell her that she cracks you up whenever you hang out, or that her commitment to saving the environment is powerful and cool.

Ask her out. Now that you’ve laid your feelings bare, you probably want to take your relationship a step further by dating. The only way to date a girl is, of course, to go on a date with her. After you’ve told her you like her, invite her on an outing for just the two of you. Make it clear that it’s not a “group hang” or a casual thing--it’s a real date. Suggest a specific date and time. This way, if she likes you but can’t make it, she’ll reschedule. If she’s not interested, it’ll be a lot easier on your feelings to hear “I’m sorry, I can’t make it” then “I don’t feel that way about you.” Plan the date around things you both like, like mini-golf and milkshakes. There's no point in doing something neither of you like!