- Birthdays can bring up feelings of sadness, anxiety, and stress for many people. This phenomenon is commonly called birthday depression or the birthday blues.
- Birthday depression can stem from a fear of aging, discomfort with being the center of attention, or negative memories of childhood birthdays.
- Cultivating gratitude, letting go of expectations, and practicing self-compassion can help you overcome the birthday blues.
Why do some people hate their birthday?
Birthdays can stir up complicated and unpleasant emotions. In fact, many people experience feelings of sadness, anxiety, or dread on their birthday and the days leading up to it. This phenomenon is called birthday depression or the birthday blues, and it can make someone dislike their birthday or avoid celebrating it. It’s important to note that birthday depression is not an official medical diagnosis—it’s a term used to describe the temporary negative feelings one may experience in the days surrounding their birthday. If your negative feelings pass after few days, you’re likely just dealing with the birthday blues. This is very different from clinical depression, which is a serious mental health condition involving longer-lasting symptoms. If your symptoms persist longer or become more severe, make an appointment with a mental health professional.
Possible Causes of the Birthday Blues
Discomfort with being the center of attention If you’re on the more introverted side, a room full of people wishing you a happy birthday and focusing all their attention on you might be overwhelming, rather than celebratory. The stress of this situation may be the reason you don’t enjoy your birthday.
Societal pressure to celebrate a certain way Many people feel pressured to throw a major party or go out on the town with friends on their birthday, when they’d actually prefer a smaller, low-key celebration. This pressure to do something extravagant and memorable can lead to stress and frustration.
Fear of disappointment Birthdays can come with some pretty high expectations, and feelings of disappointment can ensue if these expectations aren’t met. Some people choose to not make a big deal out of their birthday in the first place, in order to protect themselves from potentially getting their feelings hurt.
Anxieties about aging For some, birthdays spark fears about getting older. They may feel like they haven’t achieved what they're “supposed” to have achieved by their age, or they may be afraid of the changes that come with getting older. This tends to be especially common on “milestone” birthdays, like a 30th or 50th birthday.
Negative memories of childhood birthdays Maybe your parents didn’t celebrate your birthday with love and care when you were growing up. Or, maybe birthdays were a stressful time because they’re expensive, and money was tight. Whatever the case, you might still associate your birthday with these difficult memories, which could be the reason you dislike it.
How to Get Over the Birthday Blues
Celebrate the way YOU want to celebrate. Do whatever makes you happy on your birthday, whether that be throwing a major party with all your friends, or having a low-key dinner with your family. The important thing is to do exactly what you want to do, not what you think you’re “supposed” to do. It is your birthday, after all!
Cultivate gratitude. If birthdays bring up complicated feelings about aging for you, practice gratitude to shift your perspective about getting older. This can help you see aging as a beautiful thing and a privilege, rather than something to be afraid of. Try making a list of all the things that have happened in the past year that you’re grateful for. Yes, you have grown another year older, but you’ve also gotten the chance to experience another year’s worth of love, joy, and friendship.
Let go of expectations. Try not to get caught up in the idea of what the “perfect” birthday should look like, as this can easily lead to disappointment. Instead, do your best to live in the present moment and appreciate it for what it is. Remember, a birthday doesn’t need to be absolutely perfect to be meaningful! Practicing mindfulness can help you appreciate the present moment. Mindfulness involves being intensely aware of your thoughts, emotions, surroundings, and sensations without judgment. Practices that promote mindfulness include meditation, journaling, yoga, and spending time in nature.
Practice self-compassion. Self-compassion involves recognizing when you’re struggling and being kind to yourself in those difficult moments. It can be a powerful tool to combat the birthday blues. No matter what you’re feeling on your birthday, don’t criticize or judge yourself. Imagine your best friend in the situation you’re in. What words of kindness and support would you say to them? How would you show them you care? Now direct this compassion and understanding toward yourself. You deserve the same kindness you would show to others!
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