This feature has been sourced from David B Bohl's SlowDownFast. David is a lifestyle mentor, educator and author. He prefers the simple life, relishing his role as a coach after frenzied years in the stock exchange and as an entrepreneur.
How is it that some people can be married forever, yet never lose that bloom so often associated with budding romance? People who have sustained, loving relationships for decades have discovered what everyone else is dying to know.
They have found the secrets for keeping the relationship fresh, the romance new, and the desire burning over the long haul.
When you look at successful couples you can see some common themes among them. Not only have they been able to maintain a lifelong work life balance that has provided for ample togetherness, but they have also managed to maintain an emotional connection as well.
Take a look at some of the most common traits of relationships that have had lasting success.
1. They like each other
In the picture: Musician Sting with wife, producer Trudie Styler. The couple have been together for more than 26 years and have been married for 16 years. (Pic courtesy: Getty Images)
These couples are not only intimate and romantic, but they genuinely like each other as well. In the most successful relationships, the involved parties are best friends as well as lovers.
These people have similar likes and dislikes, thoughts and feelings, behaviours and hobbies. They genuinely enjoy each other's company and do not hesitate to tell their partner how strongly they feel. Great friendships among couples make it easy for love to follow.
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2. They make time for each other
In the picture: Will Smith with wife, actress Jada Pinkett Smith. The couple have been married for more than 11 years. (Pic courtesy: Getty Images)
Even with careers, children, and all the other accoutrements of a busy life, successful couples make time for each other a priority. The amount of time you are willing to give something establishes its level of importance in your life, including relationships. Regular quality time spent together is instinctual in the best relationships, which keeps couples close and strengthens their bond.
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3. They communicate well with each other
In the picture: Actor Dustin Hoffman with wife, lawyer Lisa Hoffman. The couple have been married for more than 28 years. (Pic courtesy: Getty Images)
Successful couples know how to voice their opinions and talk out their differences without being disrespectful or hurtful. They do not get angry when their partner does not see eye to eye with them, and they know how to compromise.
The flipside of talking is the ability to listen, and to really understand what is being said rather than what you want to hear. The ability to listen well includes keying in on subtle hints as to what the other person needs, wants, or fears.
Communication is essential to maintain any relationship. It is the only way our partner can even begin to understand who you are, how you feel, and what you want. Without communication, partners are left guessing and making assumptions, which are usually far removed from the truth.
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4. They love themselves
In the picture: Actor John Travolta with wife, actress Kelly Preston. The couple have been married for close to 18 years. Recently, they lost their only son, Jett, who died after a seizure attack. (Pic courtesy: Getty Images)
There is great truth to the saying that you must love yourself before someone else can love you. Part of that is believing in your worthiness of being loved. Lacking self esteem in a relationship creates insecurity, which is a precursor to such ugly feelings as envy and jealousy. These destructive emotions, when left unchecked, can destroy a relationship.
Self confidence also shows the other person that you are a strong, capable individual who is in the relationship completely of your own desire to be there, and not because of any misguided need to be taken care of. Nothing is sexier in a relationship than a confident, capable partner.
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5. They touch every day
In the picture: Former US President Bill Clinton with wife Senator Hillary Clinton. The couple have been married for 33 years. Despite Bill's infidelity issues during his presidential term, the couple have stuck together. (Pic courtesy: Getty Images)
The simple act of touching conveys so many important messages. It demonstrates love, affection, desire, support, assurance, comfort, encouragement, and protection.
Humans need physical contact to survive, and studies have shown that touching lowers the blood pressure and releases a chemical in the brain necessary for human bonding. Even outside the realm of sexual contact, simple touching on a daily basis reinforces the bonds of a relationship and keeps couples close.
By incorporating these simple yet very important techniques into your own relationship, you can deepen your emotional ties and create a better understanding of each other that will draw you closer together and keep you there over the long haul.
Success in relationships comes easily to those who understand these concepts and incorporate them into their daily lives. Liking each other, touching each other, and openly communicating with each other all bring greater satisfaction and fulfillment in the relationship, and foster more happiness and understanding than you may have ever thought possible.
Try these techniques for yourself and see what a difference they can make in your life.
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