How to Be a Mean Girl

Being Mean Like Regina George

Look the part. Regina has power. Part of the reason she's readily handed this by others is because she's beautiful and always, always, always put together. As unfair as it is, the world will look at you and label you by what they see on the outside. So if you want the power to be mean, you got to get the look. You have to be intimidating. And what are girls intimidated by? Beautiful girls. Be fashionable. This might mean following current trends, but it also means starting your own. Pick out your outfits very carefully and make sure your clothes fit you well. Keep to a specific look to give you an identity. Carry a purse. In this purse, keep a bit of makeup. Even in gym class, Regina George has her look together. She is successful because she's mastered the details. The lip gloss, the accessories -- she's always put together.

Be super nice, but only to a few people. If you're mean to everyone, you'll just be a flat out witch that no one will have any reason to talk to or like. You must act like your approval is hard to come by -- only a select few are worthy of your praise. When people see that they don't measure up to your standards, they'll want to try harder. Be nice to the few openly. Others need to see that you can be a really sweet person when someone is deserving of it. Choose those that you are nice to carefully and stay consistent with them--these people will be your "clique."

Take things. If someone else wants something, you take it anyway. After all, why not? Someone's going to get it and it might as well be you. If that's a boy, great. If it's a smart girl's homework, wonderful! If people don't offer things, ask. Create opportunities to make them feel close to you. Ask a girl for the nail polish she's sporting. She'd love that you want her look. If you forgot your lunch money, mention it to a cute boy -- he'll want to swoop in and rescue you. Just seize the smaller moments.

Fire back. Regina is always ready with a biting, ready-to-wound insult. If someone is giving you a hard time, give them a hard time back. But be subtle -- they need to wonder if you meant what they thought you meant. If someone accuses you of being mean, simply say, "I'm not being mean -- I'm just standing up for myself. Nothing's wrong with that. You should try it sometime -- I bet you get tired of being a pushover. No one likes a pushover anyway." Pad your insults to aid in misdirection. Or, you can just straight up say, "Shut up, Allison. Nobody likes you and your tacky new haircut anyways." Then flip your hair and walk away.

Flirt. When it comes to boys, your personality needs to be a bit more refined. You should still expect things (and take them), but it needs to be done graciously and with a smile. They should feel graced by your attention, so only give them out sparingly. What boy is good enough for you anyway?Don't forget: boys (and people in general) are there only to be used and manipulated by you! Smile. No one who's mean smiles, right? Be happy to see and talk to them -- they'll look over your meanness because they don't see it for themselves.

Fake nice at first. Remember how Regina George stopped that one girl in the hallway with the vintage skirt and told her she loved it? And then she turned around and made a "bletch" sound? Do just that. Vintage girl has walked away thinking she's the prettiest, and Regina is super sweet. Now, Regina has power, control, and manipulation abilities. Let's say you do the exact same thing. All of a sudden, Vintage girl walks up to you and asks you if you'd like to walk to gym together, since she knows you're in the same class. You might say, "Are you sure we're in the same class? I've never seen you in it before. But I'm sorry; I'm supposed to meet Gretchen." Those magic words "I'm sorry" keep Vintage girl from being able to go postal on you, even though you're probably so shocked and offended that she would even think about speaking to you! Plus, you posed your insult as a question. It may seem nicer, but it's not being nice if you don't mean it.

Fool the adults. If you go overboard with your meanness, soon enough all the adults will be against you. When authority doesn't live with you, you'll have problems. So make sure the adults don't see this side of you. Be a good student. When you're a well-behaved student, it's hard for teachers to believe the fact that you're mean. And if you're nice to them, it'll be all the more difficult.

Expect the world. Sometimes when you have high expectations of people, they feel the need to meet them. So when people don't meet them, make it known. The idea here is that no one should want to disappoint you -- in fact, they should want to go above and beyond. Let's say you're in an English project with a few girls who aren't your friends. One said she'd bring in poster paper on Monday, but she forgot it at home. Could you possibly come over after school to complete it? No, you can't. You have plans. She should've remembered -- it's slowing down the progress of the group! She'll have to do some work tonight and meet up tomorrow.

Never take the blame. In order to balance out your meanness, the other side of you has to be an absolute angel. This is the girl who never does anything wrong -- but if she does, she has a good reason. Never take the blame for anything; always have an excuse or a scapegoat. So basically, be two-faced. So, Karen heard that you told Gretchen her butt was getting big. Oh, no! That's out of context! Gretchen was telling you that Karen was getting totally fat. She just wouldn't stop! So to make her shut up, you agreed that maybe her butt was getting bigger, but the rest of her looked the same. In fact, you wish your butt were a little bigger too. Then you suggest going out for you with Karen, because you want her to feel better.

Be forgetful. Even if you've met someone 50 times, forget their name. Or fake it. You know they're in your math class and have been going to the same school as you for 6 years, but they don't have to know you know it. This really irritates people. If they do start to get really irritated ("Are you being serious? You just asked me for my homework last week. What is your problem?"), you may want to come around. Tell them it was a momentary lapse. Your nonchalance will make them wonder if they overreacted.

Tapping Your Inner Mean

Be confident. You're talented and beautiful, no matter what people think. You may not be perfect, but nobody is. Learn to be, act, look and feel confident. You'll be amazed at how much power simply acting confident will give you. Think of it like this: when kids sneak into a movie theater, who are the ones who get caught? The ones that are giggling, looking around, and moving too fast. The ones that are cool, calm, and collected sneak right in, no questions asked -- because they look like they belong. When you're confident, put simply, you can get away with more.

Assert your independence. Learn to do things by yourself and only ask for help when you're desperate. You need no one. Depending on someone else requires you to need them -- something you want to avoid. Being independent, being alone, will strengthen you not to depend on others for their validation. When you're less concerned with what others think of you, the world opens up for you to do what you please.

Say what you like and speak your mind wherever possible. People may not like it, but they'll respect your honesty. As long as you stick to the truth, it'll be hard to argue with you. Be ready for others to treat you the same way. When you don't have social manners or subscribe to normal social etiquette, others will see that and feel more comfortable attacking you in the same way you attacked them. If you say, "You clearly didn't pass the test because your intelligence is below average" (while possibly true), the other is going to feel immediately wounded and probably retort with something to top you, something ridiculous, like "I'd rather not pass tests than have a face only a mother could love, like yours." Get ready for people to be harsh to you back.

Become friends with confident, mean girls. They'll encourage your confidence and the way you stick up for yourself, as opposed to shy girls that take any abuse hurled at them. You will need some support as this new change will be hard to keep up 24/7. These girls are going to be the hardest to stay consistent with. You want them to know they have your approval...but only for now. Because if they turn into a mean girl to you, they need to be ousted, too. Be strong with them, but also keep them on your side. "He called you fat? Okay, you do need to lose some weight, but I'd like to lose a few pounds too. Let's do it together."

Don't be afraid to take on a witch. We all know who they are and how destructive they can be. Never be nice to her -- even better, ignore her. Make her aware that you don't like her, and you're not afraid of her either. You don't want to be downright mean to her unless you are aware of the consequences of your actions and are okay with them. But if you go too far, you'll sink too low and she'll be the better one. If you can, just ignore her. Treating someone with indifference feels worse than hatred -- at least with hatred, you care enough to spout off. If you treat them indifferently, you couldn't care less about their existence. That's the stuff that hurts.

Be unpredictable. If you vary your moods or choices as you please, people will become wary of you. They may also get exhausted of this, so do this at the right time in the right places. This means being really mean and really nice. Switch up your meanness with the occasional sweet moment -- it'll totally throw people off and it'll be fun watching their reactions. Stop a girl in the hallway to tell her you really enjoyed her book report. Tell another one that they did really well at the volleyball game on Thursday. It may seem like just one teeny comment, but when the rest of your comments have been negative, it's exponentially more powerful.

Don't be a girly girl. Giggling, wearing pink everything, and acting like a pre-schooler is not going to work. Be whatever you like, but make people aware of your mean potential. You mean business, not simply 6th-grade girl moodiness. Being mean will only work if you're mature about it. Being a tattletale isn't mean, it's dumb; people have no tolerance for it. But if you're mature, assertive, honest, and don't suffer fools, that's something people will have a harder time finding fault with. Be smart about your new-found aggression.