How to Deal with a Narcissistic Sociopath

What is a narcissistic sociopath?

A narcissistic sociopath exhibits both narcissism and sociopathy. Narcissism is a personality disorder that causes a person to be extremely self-centered. Sociopathy is an antisocial personality disorder that makes it difficult for a person to form close relationships. A narcissist has an inflated sense of importance and requires excessive praise. A sociopath has poor impulse control and can be prone to violence. Both sociopaths and narcissists lack empathy for other people. While a sociopath usually doesn't succeed in social scenarios because they're so aggressive, a narcissistic sociopath can "pass" as charming and relatable. Though they can seem caring or likeable, narcissistic sociopaths tend to exploit and abuse people.

Signs of a Narcissistic Sociopath

Narcissistic sociopaths have many "red flags" you should look out for. One of the best ways to prevent a narcissistic sociopath from negatively impacting your life is to recognize who they are right away. Since a narcissistic sociopath can quickly become toxic and a major source of stress for you, steer clear of anyone who exhibits most or all of these traits: The individual has no empathy or concern for other people’s feelings. They’re highly focused on their own looks and the appearance of others. They require constant praise and admiration. They believe they’re superior to everyone else in their life. They “love bomb,” or give people constant attention, to manipulate them. They see people as “objects” that they can use for personal gain. They find it very easy to discard others and replace them. They’re highly suspicious and expect the worst from others. They hold onto grudges, refuse to forgive anyone, and talk about revenge. They’re obsessed with controlling other people. Their mood changes easily and goes through a “mean and sweet cycle.” They “gaslight,” or make an individual forget their concept of reality.

How to Deal with a Narcissistic Sociopath

Remain calm during your interactions. Stand your ground and keep a neutral tone of voice if a narcissistic sociopath starts an argument with you. Only respond with facts instead of emotions. When you don’t react, a narcissistic sociopath will be surprised that they can’t influence your mood and may back down. Sociopaths often start fights because they’re extremely aggressive and easily provoked. A narcissist will try to make you “lose control” of a dynamic. When you remain mature, you’ll show how strong and capable you are. When you only bring up objective details—such as their pattern of yelling at you—a narcissistic sociopath can’t claim you were confrontational.

Set boundaries for yourself. If you have negative encounters with a narcissistic sociopath, say what you'll respond to and what you won't react to. Tell them there will be consequences if they violate your boundaries. When a narcissistic sociopath sees you’re assertive, they won’t see you as a target. Speak up about your boundaries with clear, direct comments like: “I’m happy to hear constructive feedback, but I won’t listen to belittling or insulting comments moving forward.” “I won’t take calls from you when I’m on vacation.” “It’s the only type of treatment I’ll accept.”

Point out how bad their toxic behaviors would look to others. A narcissist cares deeply about what other people think of them. By reminding a narcissistic sociopath that their toxic behavior isn’t socially acceptable, it might encourage them to stop. Point out an abusive pattern and then bring up an alternative. For example, you can say, “I think our friends would be shocked you called me that. I think you can talk to me in a more civil way.” A narcissist is concerned about losing connections with others. They'll treat you better if that will help them keep all their relationships. When you call out a sociopath's abuse, they're more likely to stop because they'll see you’re smart enough to notice their manipulation.

Avoid feeding their ego or making them feel superior. Hold back on compliments or praise. Since a narcissistic sociopath expects to have the spotlight on them, find ways to talk about the value or skills of other people. When they brag about themselves, ignore their comments and talk about another topic. Avoid telling the narcissistic that they’re the “best” in any area or you'll inflate their ego. Even if you don't give compliments, try not to provide a lot of critiques, either. Sociopaths frequently lash out and may respond badly to negativity.

Trust your own experiences and don’t let them twist facts. Reject the narcissist sociopath’s version of events—they’ll “gaslight” you, which means they’ll try to make you doubt everything you’ve seen or felt. If they argue with you, refuse to engage. Say that you can’t be talked out of your own truth and they’ll realize they can’t control you. Document every interaction with a sociopath so you can refer back to it. Don’t inform them about what you’re doing—protect yourself and keep it private. Acknowledge that you have different outlooks. You can simply say something like, “You’re free to express whatever you want. I know what I experienced.”

Keep your conversations short. End chats on your own terms to assert yourself, especially when the narcissistic sociopath is being disrespectful or manipulative. Say that you have other plans and can’t keep talking. Keep your goodbye brief and avoid giving details about why you need to step away. Tell a narcissistic sociopath that you can pull yourself out of a toxic dynamic whenever you want with comments like: “Oh, it’s 3 P.M. Time for me to head out! Be well.” “I have somewhere to go! See you later.” “I’m going to log off. I made some plans.”

Focus on your own self-care. Since encounters with a narcissistic sociopath can exhaust or overwhelm you, it’s important to recharge. Make sure that you find balance again by prioritizing your own wellness and practicing self-love. Some ways you can practice self-care include: Journaling to let out all your thoughts and emotions so you can feel some relief. Connecting with your friends and family to rejuvenate yourself after any draining encounters. Practicing positive self-talk to block out any unkind words from a narcissistic sociopath.

Reach out to a trauma-informed therapist if you’re suffering. These professionals are trained to help you heal from narcissistic abuse. They’ll talk about what unfair treatment looks like and why narcissistic sociopaths are so manipulative. If you want to map out a path forward and away from a narcissistic sociopath, a therapist can also help you with an action plan. When you talk to a trauma-informed therapist about your experiences, they’ll be able to pinpoint abusive behavior you might not have noticed. A counselor can discuss how to avoid narcissistic sociopaths so they can’t impact your life.