Righting Any Wrongs
Reflect on why her interest may have waned. Think about whether you made her feel wanted and appreciated. Did you not pay enough attention to her – or were you perhaps too clingy? Replay in your head what happened before she seemed to lose interest. For example, did you say something – maybe in a teasing way – that could have insulted her or hurt her feelings? Try asking, “Did I say or do something to upset you?”
Apologize if you think she feels wronged. Embrace your humility and put pride aside. Tell her you're sorry as soon as possible, through a note or in person. Address the issue with a kind apology, even if you don't feel completely at fault. Try saying, “I sincerely apologize. Can you forgive me?”
Give her a gift that shows you care. You could bring her a bouquet of flowers. Or, you could put more thought into the gesture and give her something related to her interests, that you know she'll like. The gift doesn't necessarily have to cost anything. For example, give her a sticker of a band or organization she likes. Is there a travel destination she loves? Try giving her a souvenir of that place, to show her you care about her interests. You can send her something digitally for free, such as an e-card.
Giving Her Space
Spend time apart, but don't ignore her. Let her know that you notice her through small gestures. Smile or wave at her when you see her. Send her a single text, if you haven't talked recently. This lets her know you care and are not completely uninterested in her. Try texting, “Hi! Haven't talked to you in a while. How are you?”
Socialize with others. Meet new people and expand your group of friends. Go out with people who are positive and make life fun. Staying busy can help you feel upbeat instead of dwelling on your relationship status. For example, try joining a new activity, such as a hobby class or sport.
Be patient. Don't expect to be able to earn her interest back immediately. You may want to wait about 30 days before attempting to reconnect with her. After a month of little or no contact, she will be more likely to miss you.
Reminding Her of Your Value
Ask her what qualities she initially found attractive in you. They may be physical, intellectual, emotional or spiritual. Discussing the positive feelings she had towards you in the first place will encourage her to embrace those feelings again. Try saying, “I'm just curious…what was it about me that you were interested in when we first met?”
Pay attention to her. Tell her that you're there to listen any time she wants to talk. If she is willing to talk, give her your full interest and attention. Don't rush her or try to offer easy solutions; she'll feel more heard if you just listen and reinforce that you support her choices. Try saying, “I understand your feelings,” or “I support you.”
Convey that you're improving yourself. Without bragging, subtly work into your conversation ways that you're working on yourself. Tell her something new you've learned, and how it's expanded the way you look at things. People tend to be attracted to others who are intellectually engaging and interesting. For example, if you've done well at work or in school, casually mention it. Try saying, “That reminds me of something I read about the other day…”
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