How to Talk to a Girl

Starting a Conversation

Catch her eye. You don't have to do anything elaborate or dramatic to do this -- in fact, you probably shouldn't. Just smile at her from across the room, excuse yourself as you brush past her, or just lock eyes, look away, and then look back at her after enough time has passed. You don't have to say hi to her the second you notice her; instead, you can spend some time making her curious about you first. If you already know the girl, of course, then don't play too hard to get and go right up and say hi to her. If you feel you have the confidence, why not introduce yourself? Make sure to keep up confident body language as you approach. Keep your head up high, your gaze straight ahead of you, and maintain good posture as you approach her. If you wait too long to say hello, she might feel like she's getting ignored.

Introduce yourself. All you have to do is say, "Hello, I'm Joe -- what's your name?" Or, "I'm Joe. It's nice to meet you." You could also start by asking her about something you have in common, such as a class you both share. When she responds and gives you her name, reach out and lightly shake her hand. Don't be awkward about it. Sure, it may feel a little old school, but it's the way mature people introduce themselves. If you already know the girl, you can just say hi and make sure to use her name. Once you know the girl's name, use it a few times so she thinks that you're really invested in the conversation and care about what she has to say. Just once or twice is enough. A helpful trick when you're introducing yourself to a new girl is to pretend that you have a girlfriend/wife and they're standing next to you. Don't say anything to a girl that you wouldn't feel comfortable saying in front of your girlfriend/wife if you had one. This will stop you from saying anything off-putting that could make a girl uncomfortable. Keep things light and casual at first.

Be yourself. Loosen up and let this girl see who you really are. If you're a goofy, funny guy, make her laugh. If you're more serious, talk to her about topics that are interesting and meaningful without being too serious instead of cracking tons of jokes -- unless jokes are your thing. Also, while you need to find out about her, you also need to tell her yourself so that she can get to know you. This is a part of being yourself. But whatever you do, make sure you don't spend the whole time talking about yourself, ask her about herself and even if you're not, you should act genuinely interested in her answer. Remember that, while it's important to be yourself, you should hold back on the more eccentric stuff, the kind of qualities that make people say, "You have to get to know him first..." You don't want to creep her out! Try to talk about things she might be interested in as well.

Smile. This can help a lot. It shows that you are enjoying the conversation and that you feel comfortable, which will make the girl continue talking with you. Try to have a natural expression that has your lips slightly upturned in a smile, and at the appropriate moments, smile bigger and grin. You don't have to smile the whole time, but smiling at key moments at the beginning of a conversation can make the girl feel appreciated. If she says something funny, laugh. Smiling will put the girl at ease and will make her feel like you really like what she has to say. Don't smile the whole time, obviously, or you'll look nervous, or even constipated.

Stay away from the personal stuff. If you like the girl, then sure, the goal is to get to know her on a deep level eventually, but that doesn't mean you should talk about your grief over your grandmother's death or to describe the rash on your back in great detail seconds after you meet. Instead, pick light topics that are inoffensive and are easy to talk about, such as your pets, favorite bands, or hobbies, so that you don't make the girl uncomfortable before you really get to know each other. Showing you care in the smallest ways, can make their whole day better. Picking light topics to start off doesn't mean you have to pick boring topics. You don't have to talk about the weather just to avoid saying anything slightly personal. Unless you live somewhere where people are actually interested in the weather, then talk about it. Follow the flow of the conversation. Sometimes two people really hit it off and start opening up to each other much faster than they would expect. If the girl starts opening up to you and really trusts you, you can hold back a bit less, too.

Making Her Feel Special

Find common ground. Try to steer the topic in the direction of something you both care about, from your obsession with Community to your love of biking. You don't have to do this by asking her about her five favorite bands, types of food, hobbies, or forms of exercise; you can just listen to the natural flow of the conversation, and see if you can find something you both like, or if you can get her to notice something you like. For example, if you casually mention that you were coming back from the A's game yesterday, then she'll respond if she's a big A's fan, too. When you're talking, make sure you ask open-ended questions instead of "yes" or "no" questions, so you can keep the conversation going. Make sure to avoid awkward silences! Remember: things will only be awkward if you make them awkward, be confident and keep the conversation flowing as best as you can. Don't despair if you feel like you have nothing in common. You'll be able to find something eventually if you keep up a fun conversation for long enough. It may turn out that you don't have so much in common, but that you click because you have similar personalities or outlooks. That's great, too. When you mention a band you like, ask her if she likes the band too; let her see that you care about her interests when you're talking about yours.

Make eye contact while you're talking. This is another way to make her feel special. You don't have to stare into her eyes like you're searching for your own reflection and creep her out, but you should make a point of giving her all of your attention, and not looking down at your phone or scoping out the room to see if anyone more interesting has walked by. You can break eye contact every once in a while, but only to keep things interesting, not to show that you're bored. Making eye contact shows confidence. If you make a point of locking eyes with the girl, she'll see that you're confident about getting to know her.

Express interest in her thoughts and opinions. Listen intently when she speaks. Girls like guys that listen to them and like what they say. Don't constantly interrupt her to state your opinion; let her talk and share thoughts with you. However, show that you're listening by nodding, saying "yes" or "no" at the appropriate times, and answering her questions. Ask her what she thinks about whatever it is you care about -- your favorite music, the new fashion trends this season, or the importance of friendship. Though it's important to ask for her opinion, try to avoid talking about religion or politics immediately, or you may get into an argument you didn't anticipate. When she says something, make sure you respond and show that you're listening by rephrasing what she says occasionally. You can say, "I completely agree with what you said about how hard it is to stay in touch with friends who move out of town..." to show that you're hanging on to her every word.

Give her a subtle compliment. You should compliment an aspect of her personality or her looks without freaking her out to show her that you care. If you like her type of music, or the books she reads, tell her that she has great taste. It's all right to compliment her clothes, hair, or jewelry, but you'll really win a girl's heart if she sees that you're into more than just her outside. Also, if you're feeling super confident, why not compliment her in a flirty way? If you're going for the physical compliment, don't do more than compliment her clothes, hair, or in more intimate cases, her eyes. It's not time to freak her out by telling her how hot she is before she even knows your last name. If she has a great laugh, don't be afraid to tell her that.

Ask her about her studies. You don't have to bore her by asking about her favorite part of Algebra II; however, you can show that you're interested by asking her what her favorite subjects in school are, asking about her favorite teachers, or even letting that lead you to a discussion on what she wants to do when she gets older. Don't just nod and say, "That's interesting..." ask her why she likes a certain subject or why she wants to be a nurse or a lawyer when she grows up. Some girls don't like talking about school that much. If you're sensing a lack of interest, just move on. Don't make it feel like an interrogation. You can talk about the subjects you like, too.

Don't tease the girl until she understands your sense of humor. It's best to not tease girls about things they might take seriously, especially weight, looks, or intelligence. It's especially important not to make a comment that the girl can take the wrong way when you're just getting to know her. If you manage to deeply offend the girl at the beginning of your contact, it'll be hard to dig yourself out of that hole. Err on the side of caution. Don't tease her unless you really feel confident that she'll get it. Follow her lead. If she has been teasing you for a while, it's okay to tease her back. Just make sure to keep your jokes on the same light level.

Keeping Her Interested

Crack her up. Girls like guys that make them laugh. Don't be afraid to flaunt your wit and sense of humor -- as long as you aren't too raunchy or inappropriate in the beginning. You don't have to start off with a series of knock-knock jokes to get her attention; just make sharp comments, fire back a quick joke if she has one, and make unique observations about the world around you that make her think. Don't overthink it. If you have a goofy or a cornball sense of humor, let her see it. If you try a joke and she doesn't laugh, show her that you don't take yourself too seriously. Say, "Maybe I'll have better luck next time..." and it'll make her laugh. If she makes a funny comment, don't just say, "That's really funny." Show her that you can make a funny comment right back, or laugh with her at it.

Don't try too hard. A girl will be able to tell if you're trying too hard to pick her up from a mile away. If you want to keep her interested, then you shouldn't relentlessly pursue her if she doesn't want to be pursued, compliment her ten million times when she's clearly uncomfortable, or show off by bragging about how much you can bench press or about the home run record you're trying to set for your county. Relax and stop caring so much about impressing her and you will actually end up impressing her more. If the girl sees that you're comfortable enough with yourself that you don't have to try so hard to get her to like you, she'll want to talk to you even more. If you flex your bicep, talk about what great shape you're in, or tell her how good you look with your shirt off, she will be nothing but turned off.

Keep up your confidence. Be confident in yourself and don't be afraid of saying something stupid. If you're not afraid then you probably won't. Just keep engaging her and be okay with the occasional awkward exchange, silence, or story that you had trouble telling the right way. Stay positive, relaxed, and happy, and she'll have even more fun talking to you. Don't be too self-deprecating, even if you think it'll make her laugh, or she'll think you have a low self-image. You don't have to brag to be confident. You can talk about how much you love baseball without telling her that you're a star athlete. One sign of confidence is being able to laugh at yourself. This will show her that you don't take yourself too seriously.

Stay relaxed. If you're nervous, sweaty, or scared, the girl will be able to tell. If you're feeling nervous, just slow down your speech, focus on the dynamics of the conversation instead of every word you're saying, and stop fidgeting with your hands or looking around the room. If you're not relaxed, the girl will pick up on your tension and will feel uneasy as well. Take deep breaths, slow down your speech and movement, and think about the best case scenario instead of the worst thing that can happen. If you're really nervous and it's painfully obvious, you can make a small joke about it to lighten the mood. If you're really the nervous type, bring a bottle of water or soda around with you so you can sip on it from time to time to calm yourself down and to take small breaks.

Don't lie just to impress her. Talk to her honestly, and don't stretch the truth. The natural inclination is to embellish things, but it's much more trouble than it's worth. If you really get to know and like her and she eventually finds out you lied to her, it's extremely embarrassing to you and breaks her trust (and the relationship). You shouldn't be putting on an act whenever you see her, in any sense. Even if she doesn't notice for a while, other people (and other girls) will notice you're acting more impressive around her. If you want to see the girl again, then your lies will eventually catch up with you. If you want her to like you, then she has to like the real you -- from the beginning.

Stay positive. People like hanging out with people who make them laugh, feel happy, and have a positive outlook on the world. If you're feeling grumpy or like the world is against you, then it's not the best day to approach a girl. Talk about the things and people that make you happy and focus on the positive experiences you've both had; when you get to know each other better, you can talk more about the negative stuff, too, but if you want to keep her engaged at first, then you should set a decidedly positive tone. You can even catch yourself if you're having a negative moment. If she asks you how traffic was getting there and you say, "Terrible," fix the negatively by saying, "But I'm really loving this new audio book I'm listening to," or "But I saw the cutest family of deer on the way over." If she asks you about a certain band that you really hate, you can say something like, "I haven't really heard enough of their music" or "They're not my favorite, but they're pretty good." Don't go off on a rant about how much you hate something when you're first talking to a girl.

Get her contact information. If you really hit it off with the girl, then you can ask for her email, phone number, or even just for her last name so you can be Facebook friends. If you're asking her out, you can be more blunt about it, but if you just like her and want to talk to her again, just say something like, "I have to get going, but I'd love to pick up this conversation another time. Can I call you so we can do that?" She'll say yes without hesitating. If you're feeling more shy, get her Facebook or email, and send her something goofy with it--a link to a web comic she'd enjoy or a silly forum thread. It's also less awkward than the phone. It helps her notice you more and you have a better chance of meeting again. Get her contact information just when the conversation is going great, and you're at your peak of finding fun things to talk about. Don't wait until the conversation drags to ask for her contact info, or she'll be less inclined to see you again.