How to Get Over Your Fear of Being Kidnapped

Kidnapping Statistics and Facts

Only 1 in 300,000 children are ever kidnapped. You are 100 times more likely to be struck by lightning. Would a mentally healthy person live in constant fear of a lightning strike? Of course not. Similarly, you don't have to worry a lot about kidnapping. Most kidnappings aren't like what people imagine. Less than 25% of kidnappings happen by strangers. (Most are done by family members or acquaintances.) And 9 out of 10 kids who are kidnapped by strangers make it home safe. Survival rates are high: 9,999 out of 10,000 kidnapped children are found alive. American children are safer now than ever before.

Around 90% of missing children are not kidnapped; they're either runaways, lost, or involved in a miscommunication.

Most people don't want to kidnap you. Most strangers are good, well-meaning people, who would never want to hurt you. And if you aren't rich or famous, chances are low that evil people would be interested in you specifically.

Not everything you read online is true. Chain mails and hoaxes can proliferate on the internet. If you get a scary email about kidnapping, mark it as spam.

Making a Safety Plan

Decide whether preparations would improve or worsen your anxiety. Some people feel better when they're prepared, because then they feel like they don't have to worry so much. Other people feel worse, because preparations just make them think more about what they're afraid of. If preparations usually make you feel worse, then reading this section might make you feel worse. Consider skipping to the next section.

Practice a little extra safety, if it helps. Some people are more safety-conscious than others are. If taking extra safety measures helps you feel better, there are things you can do. Know where the local police station, fire station, and public phones are. Tell people where you're going. Text them when you get there safe. Charge your phone every night, so it has enough battery. Keep it with you. Try to stay in well-lit, public areas. Change your route from time to time.

Let a trusted loved one track your phone. If it helps you feel safer, you can install a tracking app that helps someone locate your phone. This way, they always know where to find you. Most likely, the app will remain unused, or it'll only be used to find your phone if it's missing, or find you if you get lost.

Know how to identify "tricky people." Stranger danger is an outdated concept, since most strangers are good people, and some strangers will actually help you if you're in trouble. Here are some ways you can identify a tricky person: They ask kids for help, not adults. (A safe adult will ask another adult for help if they have a problem.) They want to give you something, or take you somewhere. They want you to break a family safety rule, or do something that doesn't feel safe. They don't want you to get permission from a parent or adult. They try to guilt or manipulate you into saying "yes." They make you feel nervous or uneasy.

Know how you can protect yourself if a creep is bothering you. Having a general idea of what to do means that you don't need to mentally rehearse it anymore. Here are things you can do if a tricky person is talking to you. Run to a friendly-looking person (like a parent with kids) and tell them what's going on. Make a scene if needed. Scream things like "I don't know you!" or "Don't kidnap me!" Grab onto a big object, like a bike, tree, signpost, or even a different adult. Don't let go. Flail your arms so that you're hard to grab. Escape as soon as you can. Even if they have a gun, they're probably reluctant to shoot you in public, and they're also very likely to miss. (Guns are usually just used to scare people into obeying.)

Learn some self-defense moves. You can sign up for self-defense lessons, or watch tutorial videos online. Know you can fight dirty, like a wild animal. It may be comforting to know that if someone ever tried to hurt you, there's a good chance you're scarier than them. Break free of their grip. If someone grabs your hand or arm, yank it away while twisting it, or "windmill" your arm by yanking it up and back abruptly. You can practice this with a friend. Get the weak spots. If you're standing, go for the eyes or throat. If the attacker is a man, you can grab his private parts, and twist and pull hard. If you're on the ground, kick the knees hard. If they force a kiss, bite their lips or tongue and shake your head rapidly to do maximum damage. Make driving impossible. Get in the way of the steering wheel, or grab the keys. Honk the horn and scream. If stuck in the back, make huge kicks to make driving harder. If you're going slowly, interfere with driving and try to crash the car. If you're in the trunk, kick out the tail lights and wave a hand out, or destroy the wires so that the police may pull the car over due to broken lights. Improvise weapons. Use objects, like an umbrella or book, as weapons. You can also use a key as a weapon, and stab the eyes.

Know that you can stop thinking about it now. Anytime you start worrying about kidnapping, tell yourself "I have a safety plan and I know exactly what to do, so there's no need to hash it out anymore!" Then start thinking about something more positive.

How to Calm Yourself

Talk to a good listener about your fear. Fears are easier to fight when you have support from people who love you. They can help you think about the situation in different ways and help you maybe dial that fear down.

Recognize when you're getting scared, and calm yourself. Mentally note "I'm getting really worked up right now." Then do something that helps you feel a little better, like listening to music or looking at pictures of cats.

Be kind to yourself. Don't berate or punish yourself for having a fear. Everyone is afraid of different things, to different degrees. Be patient with yourself. Reducing a fear takes time, and expecting yourself to become fearless right away wouldn't be realistic. Keep being kind and gentle with yourself, and practice self care.

Turn off the news. If you have trouble with anxiety, avoid watching or reading the news when it's just going to make it worse. Work on staying away from the news. Praise or reward yourself when you successfully avoid the urge to check the news. Blacklist tags like #kidnapping, #missing, and #amberalert on social media.

Take baby steps. You don't have to immediately throw yourself into a dark alley to prove that you've conquered your fear. Instead, work on little ways to be more independent, and take it one step at a time. For example, if you get nervous being alone at the mall, try being apart from a loved one for a few minutes at the mall (such as for a restroom break), and then going right back to them. Reward yourself when you make progress, even if it's small.

When to Get Help

Know when a fear counts as disordered. If your fear of kidnapping interferes with your everyday life, or causes intense stress, then you may be dealing with a disorder. Luckily, mental disorders are treatable, and you don't have to go through this alone.

Consider potential disorders that could cause a severe fear of kidnapping. Kidnapping fears may be related to an anxiety disorder, or a different type of disorder. Try reading about a few mental disorders, in case one of them sounds familiar. Phobias are specific, irrational fears. There is no name for a kidnapping phobia, but treatment is still possible. Paranoid personality disorder involves fears that someone wants to hurt you. Social anxiety disorder is serious anxiety related to being judged by other people. Generalized anxiety disorder involves excessive worry about different things. Delusional disorders involve beliefs not grounded in reality, such as being convinced that a drink is drugged or a stranger is trying to kill you. Post-traumatic stress disorder develops after a traumatic event (such as a kidnapping or near-kidnapping) and can involve hypervigilance and a fear that the event will happen again.

Talk to a doctor. A doctor can assess whether your fear is strong enough to be considered a disorder, and possibly prescribe anti-anxiety medication. They can also screen you for other disorders, if needed, or refer you to a specialist who can. Anti-anxiety medication is meant to correct chemical imbalances in the brain, to return your stress level closer to average.

Consider seeing a counselor or therapist. Professionals have taken training in how to help people who struggle with excessive worry. They usually know what to say, and what you can do to be less scared.